Gearfuse Puts The Port-O-Pong To The Test

Back in July, I briefly mentioned a beer pong raft that ruins the fundamental experience that is the game of beer pong. Well, the creators behind the Port-O-Pong weren’t too pleased about that, so they sent us one. Needless to say, my face lit up when it arrived at my doorstep. The advertisers claim it can be played “anywhere on anything,” so I immediately had to put it to the test. I met up with Vince in Margate, New Jersey and we decided that the ocean would be an ideal locale for our next beer pong match. Let the games begin!

The one redeeming factor about the Port-O-Pong is that it is a raft. The benefit of this is it facilitates the clean up process required after a long game of pong. On the other hand, it also portrays the game of pong as an aquatic sport. Drinking and swimming never mixed, so I don’t know why the creators thought beer pong and a pool would mix. Sure, it’s great times until the one fat guy who was never really good at swimming passes out from alcohol poisoning and drowns.

My main gripe with the Port-O-Pong is that the cup holders don’t level the cups. No matter how hard you shove them in place, none of the cups will ever be in alignment as they would be if we’d been playing on a table. Of course, this flaw made no difference considering our game took place in the most chaotic of scenarios. Waves splashed over the raft, creating a whole new drinking game: salty and sandy beer pong.

In the ocean, no two throws are the same because you’re playing with a consistently moving table. It’s extreme, but not as enjoyable as one would hope. The Port-O-Pong comes with four pieces of rope and we noticed that each corner of the raft has places to tie the rope down. We messed with the ropes for a while, originally trying to tie each corner down with weights to prevent the raft from moving in the water. It wasn’t until later, after we had failed miserably to keep the Port-O-Pong anchored that we assumed the rope was to hang the raft from a ceiling. Ah, now I get it. Play anywhere, on anything. Even air!

The Port-O-Pong might be playable anywhere and on anything, but you sure as hell won’t want to play it in water. You also won’t want to play on a table, as the cups will not be level which will make it an unfair game. However, if you feel like playing somewhere that has no table available – hang it up. No air pump? You’re shit out of luck. Good luck inflating this thing without passing out.

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