Absurdly dorky and utterly useless? Perhaps. But it’s what could have been that really counts in this case. Mitemite’s Tablecloth Pants include spots right above the knees to insert two tablecloth pieces of fabric so you can comfortably sit and eat in front of the couch like the elderly superhero you are, without worrying about too much spillage. Plus you sort of get the whole table experience, which is important for your psyche.
You might look like a fool, but think of the potential! Always remember the potential! No more messes means not needing to change your pants, which means being your lazy self, because lord knows you wouldn’t even change your pants if you spilled spaghetti sauce all over them, ya pig. God forbid you soil the sanctity of your Trouser Expander.