Gearfuse

If for some reason you haven’t started using your various devices to keep track of your daily appointments you probably still rely on the old paper calendar. Either that or you’re completely awful with dates. Either way you likely need to make an upgrade.

The Taking Care of Business Mousepad keeps your daily appointments in clear view without taking up any more space then is already necessary, keeping your upcoming schedule at the forefront.

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Best Buy’s Black Friday ad has leaked, which means it’s time to do some serious itinerary planning for the big day. See, I like me and my fiancee set up a full contingency plan based on what we want the most for us, then comes gifts for others. Come on, we need to set priorities people! Strategy is the name of the game on Black Friday.

So Best Buy has some moderately cool deals, especially in the video game department, but nothing mind-blowing. Though what might be notable is that Best Buy is not going to allow for anyone to get hurt this year because of their doorbuster deals. Apparently they don’t take “death by stampede” lightly. All doorbuster sales will be handled via tickets, which will be passed out up to two hours before the 5 am door openings. Hit the jump for a full-list of Black Friday Best Buy deals. Doorbusters are followed by an asterisk.

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When we claimed that Michael Jackson might just be a cyborg, we weren’t that far off. Apparently, MJ was planning to create his very own robotic doppelganger, even going as far as creating blueprints for the mechanical beast.

Detailed 3D scans were made of Jackson’s body before he died with the intention of creating an “eerily-lifelike robotic duplicate.” The late popstar’s robotic builder claims that he will sell the 1996 scans of MJ for anyone willing to shell out a million big ones. This story just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

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Call them Garden Jawas, garden gnomes or garden dwarves, they’re all garden little people to me. You know how I’m always extremely politically correct. We wouldn’t want any midgets hating on Gearfuse, now would we? Little adorable buggers.

As long as it keeps its little hands off my droids, we’re cool.

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What are babies known for? Mainly pooping and screaming. That’s just the nature of the early human life. And who can blame them? The only problem is that the screaming is almost impossible to decipher through the human year. To us, it’s all just screaming. But apparently there are at least five different types of cries and the Cry Translator iPhone app claims it can distinguish between them all.

The Cry Translator helps decode the mysterious yiping of your newborn, dividing the scream’s cause into one of five basic categories: hungry, sleepy, annoyed, stressed, bored. It might be hard to believe, but the app claims it can “reduce overall infant crying.” And for $9.99, that’s a little piece of heaven for new parents.

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Look, if your going to hump your pillow regardless of its shape you might as well hump a pillow that somehow resembles the female reproductive system. The Uterus Pillow is only for the strictest lovers of the female anatomy.

For $48, you can own a pillow that’s just a little closer to the real thing, without being overly vulgar.

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Let’s not kid ourselves. There are probably a handful of people in the U.S. with a cock the size of a small child (no not the cock of a small child, a cock the size of a small child) and you’re not one of them. Unless your planning on wearing this thing every single day, I don’t know how much good it’s going to do. But I guess by the time your date is ripping off your pants to see your little surprise, it’s a little too late.

The Trouser Expander includes some pump-action for altering your bulge size on the go. You don’t get that awkward lumpiness like you do with socks. The ladies just love a squirrel sized dong.

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Decaf? Never! When you feel that caffeine high wearing off, there’s only one thing to do. Refill. Grab another cup and repeat the cycle over and over and over. Caffeine’s a hell of a drug.

Can you always use some more caffeine, even if you’ve just finished a large espresso? Have your addiction printed onto a t-shirt for $19.95.

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If you’re unfortunate enough to have a waitress who is having a bad night, don’t give her any shit. You never know if she’ll do something devastating, like dipping your hamburger bun in her menstruation blood (extra ketchup, sir?) or even (gasp!) bringing you decaf instead of regular.

We can’t help you too much with that first one other than to advise you to bring a barf bag, but as for something as important as your coffee, there are D+Caf strips, which allow you to test your coffee to see if your waitress brought you what you asked for. A set of 20 costs $9.95. So, that’s with two cups a sitting, that’s at least 10 safe sittings.

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Meet Perky Jerky, the complete performance enhancing meat. Caffeinated via the addition of Guarana, you won’t even need your morning coffee to get that extra perk, though of course you’ll still take it, you friggen’ fiend.

Feeeeelin’ perky, oh, so perky. Just feel these nipples!

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