Sorry to Disappoint, Fanboys

CrybabyWii

A lot of you are under the impression that the consoles I selected for my 10 Worst Gaming Consoles of All Time post were chosen for the fact that I simply don’t like them. You couldn’t be further from the truth with that assumption. The Nokia N-Gage being a portable console and my half-assed rant aside, I believe that in my inebriated state (I had just arrived in New York after traveling all day,) I failed to really give you my true opinion of the Nintendo Wii. You fanboys deserve better.

First and foremost, I want to take the time to thank the guys and gals over at Boing Boing for their constructive (albeit humorous) criticism of the list. It beats reading about another DRM piece!

I stated that the Wii was nothing more than a GameCube with a Power Glove-esque controller and after looking at the hardware, I’m not retracting my statement. However, I strongly feel the Wii is a great product for bringing gaming back to those who are tired of the same thing every other company is doing. But, to say that this technology is innovative is — well, you might as well be spewing shit. There is nothing novel about the interactive approach the Wii has taken.

Unless you’re a child or an old fart, the demographic that doesn’t have a clue about gaming, then this system isn’t for you. If you’re a hardcore gamer, what game could you possibly want to sit in front of playing for all hours of the night? Wait, let me guess: Super Smash Bros. Brawl? Most gamers immediately reach for the GameCube controller collecting dust on the floor, leaving the most unlucky of the bunch to settle for the Wiimote and Nunchuk.

oldpeoplewii
See? See? Old people and little kids!

The Wiimote is fantastic for classic gaming on the Virtual Console, but playing games that were released on all three of the next-gen systems is such a chore for Wii-gamers. What it really comes down to is: do you really want to wave a wand in front of your TV to play a FPS? Do you really want to throw air punches until you break a vase or pass out from dehydration during a fighting game? It seems to me that the Wii is better suited as gym and physical rehabilitation equipment rather than a gaming console and even that’s a bit of a joke. Wii Fit? Go outside and run for thirty minutes. Obesity problem solved.

Unless you’re having Grandpa over for dinner or your sister just popped out a new-born kid, I see no reason to buy this system. Entertaining guests at your house party? Try beer pong.

26 comments

  1. Yawn. Nothing new here.

  2. Muffinface The Mighty

    FUN FACT: Responding to criticism with criticism is the best way to make yourself look like an asshole. Good job!

  3. Your points are valid except for one thing, the damn thing is fun.

  4. You got owned and now you’re blubbing. The “I was drunk” defense, even. Pathetic.

  5. god, you’re so lame ash

  6. I’m outside the magic, invincible, “18-24” demographic (which seems to include a lot of people under 18) you seem to call “hardcore gamers.” I started when “playing Atari” was the phrase for playing video games and arcades still had games that cost $0.25.

    I got the Wii because I wanted fun games to play. If I wanted to play Version 27 of the 27-shades-of-brown FPS (now with TRASH TALK over xbox live!), I know where to go. Playing “hardcore” games with a bunch of kids who have headsets and just learned how to work “fuck” into their conversations isn’t my idea of fun. Sorry.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a 9-day weekend with “GRADIUS III” written all over it.

    Regards,
    Dad

  7. No, seriously…Stop writing.

  8. Protip: Fanboys deserve nothing if they get uppity over someone expressing their opinions except a sound beating. cf. Maddox’ page on how to beat your kids. That said, the unoriginality doesn’t matter. People buy games because they’re fun, not ’cause they’re original. Hence why I have all the Ratchet and Clank games for the PS2 (next gen can go to hell) even though it’s all the same game; for me, it’s fun to cause ludicrously large fake explosions. It’s not, however, fun to have your performance in a game wrecked because of your upper arms getting tired… I once lived in a time when gaming endurance was all about the power of the thumb.

    Translation: In the end, who fucking cares?

  9. Well, Ratchet and Clank rules. Thanks for the comment.

  10. Great. Just great. I have every single Nintendo system ever made. Literally. And I think the wii is completely overrated. Horrendous library of games. And if one more person brings up zack and wiki they are going to get slapped. Everyone brings up the same games I defense of the system. Fuck off. Yes they are good games. We want an actual library of good games though. Total gimmick system and I learned the hard way. Nintendo doesn’t care, as long as the money is coming in. The decent games that do come out have the cheap novelty control scheme. I don’t want to wave the Wiimote to shoot in fifa, lame. That’s just one example. People need to formulate actual sensical arguments in the systems defense.instead of children getting upset that someone is criticizing their EMOTIONAL attachment. Time to join the other side of the console wars….

  11. Reasons your wrong about the wii:-

    Resident Evil 4
    any Shooting game in general for the wii.

  12. You're a Fucking Imbecile

    You’re a fucking imbecile. And you write like a ninth grader. Your opinions are fucking retarded. You’re fucking retarded. Take a note from another retard – Jack Nicholson at the end of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” – and die.

  13. I agree with the author, for one. Motion control can bite me. And to those who say that the Wii brings more people to gaming, it brings the wrong people to gaming. More people buying the Wii (henceforth referred to as Wiitards) means more people swallowing casual prolefeed (Wii *anything*) and watered-down ports of true next-gen games. More Wiitards means that more casual games come to market and more actual games (Gears of War, Halo 3, Metal Gear Solid 4, Motorstorm, Fable II, etc.) get pushed off the shelves to make way for the wave of crap.

  14. Whoa Whoa Whoa, wait a second Nintendo fanboy. If Nintendo wanted to make money, would they make the Wii 250$$? And Rational Person, why don’t you just marry Ryan if you love him so much? And I know you’re like that because anyone who doesn’t like the Wii is gay. And Ryan has no good taste, so why are you respecting him?

  15. Nintendork, that name fits. Do you even know what you’re talking about? I f they are selling old Technology wrapped in new diggs, the cost to develop is low, so price point doesn’t matter. They are still making a profit. Take any economics classes lately? Sony is losing money just selling the PS3, and MS should be hurting from all the returns it’s getting. They actaully developed or attempted to develop a new system.

    Nintendo fanboy, you have it exactly right. That is why the gaming industry crashed the first time in the 80’s. Now Nintendo, of all companies, is trying to doit again.

  16. Crap on it all you want, but it’s been sold out for over 2 years in many locations for a good reason.

  17. I got one that can’t use GC controllers. Super Mario Galaxy. Oh Yeah. Wii Fit too. That’s fun for some (including me). P. S. the way I see it, gaming is mostly for kids, isn’t it?

  18. well, Nintendo Gaming anyway.

  19. OMG everywhere I look everyone calls wii a ”Gamecube 2 with no good games.” there are some good games on all three systems. BUT I have played games on all 3 systems, and the only 1 I own is Wii. and really the wii has the biggest lineup of good games. and that includes games available on other systems as well.

  20. PS Halo,Gears of War and GTA are overhyped piles of Donkey jizz you fanboy twats lapped up.

  21. I don’t want to play FPS’s anyway: Metroid Prime is the only FPS I like, P.S. there are other nintendo-made FPS’s. Goldeneye, Perfect Dark and Redsteel to name a few.

  22. Wii controls are pretty good anyway.

  23. if by real game you mean overhypd pile of donkey jizz, then I agree.

  24. hi guys, I just got a PS3 and just got Little Big Planet as my first game, and it’s fucking awesome.

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