Breaking: Madden ’09 Bigger Than Christ

This just in, we’re getting reports that with the release of Madden ’09, Jesus Christ is no longer needed. Teens across the country who once believed that Jesus was the next messiah have been lining up outside Gamestops across the country at midnight and proclaiming that the game is “off the fucking chain, yo.”

“I ain’t got no time for God an’ shit” says Anthony Dominguez, 22. “I’m tryin’ to, ya know, buy this motherfucker for the 360 then play it all fuckin’ day, ya feel me dawg? I even took off work tomorrow and called my shorty to make my b-fast.”

With the inclusion of Brett Favre as a NY Jet, rumor is it a 2.4 magnitude earthquake will occur outside the Circuit City in Pasedena, CA. $60 and your pride Madden ’09 will cost ya.

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