This is how you do it in the Marines. You take an AR-15 automatic rifle, slap on a chainsaw and boom, you have a replica of the Lancer from Gears of War. Sure, you can’t chop people up with it (legally), but what’s to stop you from going apeshit on a cactus out in the Nevada desert? My thoughts exactly.
Here’s a chair fit for a Marshall. Alexander Reh’s chair is called Fully Loaded and features a steel frame with 12-gauge shotgun shells. Not only does it look great, but you could easily use it to defend yourself in a hostage situation. And by hostage situation, I’m talking about how you kidnapped the Domino’s guy and the police have been outside for the past two days. Keep at bay, sir.
Gamers looking for the ultimate pre-order package should look no further than Gears of War 2. If you head on over to Amazon and pre-order soon, you’ll score a life-size replica of the Lancer weapon, complete with blood-stained blade and all. Pull the trigger and you’ll hear sounds and the gun will vibrate. Just like being 8-years-old all over again.
Of course, this bit of awesomeness isn’t coming cheap. Plunk down $210 on Gears of War 2 and you’ll score both a copy of the game and a Lancer. Wait a few weeks and you’ll be able to scoop up the Lancer sans game for a mere $140. All you need now is to threaten your wife’s vagina with this thing and the sex will just keep on cummin’.
For all of the people who aren’t afraid to get their hands dirty, this is the perfect home security option. An end table that breaks down in to a blunt weapon and wooden shield that’s perfect for fending off home invaders or orcs. James McAdam created the Safe Bedside Table in an effort to aid the thousands of people who can’t get to sleep at night without some form of self-defense at hand.
It looks like it’ll pack quite the walloping and it’s a nice piece of furniture to boot. Just hope that intruder isn’t wielding a firearm.
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Growing up, Ryan and I attended a pretty decent upper-middle class high school in New Jersey. We got in plenty of trouble and did a lot of bad shit, but one thing that never happened on a full-scale operation was the food fight. If we had used Zing spoons instead of shitty plastic sporks and other utensils, we’d have probably been expelled.
At $9.95, it’s a bit of an expensive spoon depending on how you look at it. Sure, you can eat all the apple sauce in the world with a Zing, but did you know that the handle bends like a spring? Thus, it allows you to fling food all over the cafeteria at a rapid pace. Line your sixth period lunch table up against the wall and perform the ultimate tribute to the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.
I think every kid in elementary school should have one of these.
You might look like a pussy carrying this umbrella around if it weren’t for the fact that it’s unbreakable. Yes, that’s right. Just like the M. Night Shyamalan movie Unbreakable but without the fear of water.
The umbrella is fully functional like any normal umbrella except for the fact that you could kill a man with it. Bludgeoning someone with this umbrella is easy considering it has the same traumatic effect as a lead pipe. Even after you’re done beating someone into coma (in self-defense, of course), it is guaranteed to still function as a working umbrella.
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So you’ve got your stylish Urban Security Suit locked and loaded in preparation for the next full moon but what sort of artillery power can the fashionista use to prepare for the next zombie attack? Peter Gronquist has the answer with his “The Revolution will be Fabulous” fashion designer weapons.
Why use a standard rifle or chainsaw to slice through an army of the undead when you can use a Louis Vuitton or Prada rifle, or perhaps, even a Fendi-styled saw? No metrosexual zombie fighter should leave home without one, lest they lose their credibility as a douche bag. (more…)
You feelin’ lucky today, punk? Well, shazzzam! If you need a new accessory for your Whiskey Holster, you might be very lucky indeed. The Hijos de Villa Tequila Gun chooses to opt out the violence of bullets, and replace every “shot” with 200ml of tequila in all of its drunk-aiding glory.
You know what would be awesome? Drinking all of the Tequila (since that’s the only way you’ll ever be drunk enough to do this), replacing it with urine, and threatening to shoot it at your friends. Or random strangers on the street. That works too. People will assume you’re spraying them with tequila (or water, if they don’t see the label), and you’ll be able to snicker slightly to yourself as you’re bathing people in piss. List price is $60, but they are currently out of stock.
One thing that has always limited the soldiers of the military is that they always have to be attached to their weapon. There is never really any true and full concentration on other matters when your toting around an automatic weapon.
Handwear Computer Input Devices (HCIDs) might be the future of militiary strategy and safety means. The HCID will let the soldier control different types of hardware, including triggering weapons, heads-up displays, and small unmanned vehicles, with movements of the hand that will be picked up through special sensors. No longer needing to be glued to their gun. Project managing group, RallyPoint, says that the glove is still in it’s development stage and not ready for battle testing.
The ability for soldiers to be able to have open hands while still being able to operate the needed hardware seems to be a real time saver. If only we could manage our hardware without our hands. And by hardware, we mean our manly hardware. Ehmm. Ahhem. — Andrew Dobrow
This is the dream toy of boys everywhere. While kids under 10 might not understand the power of this, just show them a picture, it’s in their genes to know that this is great. This, my friends, in an automatic rubberband machine gun. Remember the rubberband guns that took forever to reload after just one or two shots? Well, this doesn’t exactly solve the time to load problem, but you get to shoot about 144 rubberbands (12 barrels x 12 bands) in one go. So what use can this amazing invention go to? Can you say “payback teachers”? Another problem arises here; because it is about 40 inches tall, you might have a hard time moving this monster from point A to point B. So how much will this behemoth of a gun run you? About $400. Sadly, the reward of seeing your brother with 144 rubberband bruises might not be worth that much. — Nik Gomez
