It’s a lampshade, made out of friggen’ bacon. You got a problem with that? Take it up with PETA. If you’re anything like us, this shade would already be half-eaten, with the other half just about ready to slide down our greedy gullets.
Wait a second… was that bacon raw….. ? Oh well… om nom nom. If you don’t like bacon I don’t even know what to say to you. Even pigs love bacon.
I don’t know how I would react if I came home to this on the kitchen table. Should I vomit? Should I sit down and savor the dish and then maybe call the cops? I’m not sure.
I’ve eaten some weird shit in my day, but this might be crossing the line.
Don’t worry, this iPhone case isn’t trying to sell you penis enhancement pills or some shitty D-Link product. Not that sort of spam. No, no. This case has much more depth. At least, as much depth as fake processed meat can have.
For only the true fake meat lover, the Spam iPhone case is pure processed fun.
Meet Perky Jerky, the complete performance enhancing meat. Caffeinated via the addition of Guarana, you won’t even need your morning coffee to get that extra perk, though of course you’ll still take it, you friggen’ fiend.
Feeeeelin’ perky, oh, so perky. Just feel these nipples!
Alas, the folly of grill-masters worldwide, switching between tongs and your meat thermometer, not only wastes precious time, but potentially leaves the meat to over cook. These Digital BBQ Tongs, though not nearly as fun as digital BBQ thongs, will save you some time, eliminating the switch-off between the thermometer and the grabby tool.
A built-in alarm sounds when the meat is ready to be taken off the grill. A true BBQ chef needs the finest tools in the trade to ensure the perfectly cooked piece of beef has his name on it.
If only it were this easy. If only cattle ranchers could wait until the meat was properly seared before branding their name or symbol onto the animal’s hide.
Luckily, as the resident BBQ chef of the house, there’s no need to hurt a weak and powerless animal. Just a dead and cooked one. The BBQ Branding Iron allows you to brand a message of choice in to your meat, before you beat it.
How do you like your sausage cooked? Do you mind if I place it in the A1-D1 region and just let it smoke to medium-rare goodness? Or do you like your meat to be black and charred? Don’t you worry, we’ll find the right equation to make sure the Spreadsheet Barbecue Grill cooks your meat exactly how you like it.
And you thought you’d be escaping the office completely during your weekend barbecue. No such luck, chef.
Us men need us our sammichs. Digital or tactile, we love our pieces of bread to be packed full of meaty goodness. A properly made sandwich is enough to make most of us drool with anticipation. That’s exactly why Scanwiches is such a dirty tease.
Scanwiches is a nifty little blog which posts high-res images of cross-cut sandwiches. While you are free to admire the site all you want, we recommend a napkin tucked into your shirt and some kind of protective material over your keyboard. And if you love sandwiches as much as we do, drool won’t be the only bodily fluid risking your keyboard’s proper functionality. (We’re talking about sweat you pervert. Stop thinking about my penis.)
Even if you’re a vegan and you keep clear of any consumables that at one time were living, breathing creatures, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the great American holiday that is Thanksgiving.
Does the sight of a stuffed and beheaded turkey on your table disturb you? Then decorate your Thanksgiving dinner table with a papercraft turkey. It’s fun because, much like a real turkey, you get to prepare it yourself. What makes it better is you don’t have to deal with pulling out different body parts from the turkey’s rectum. It’s all paper for you vegans. Well, it’s either that or a tofu shaped turkey.
Let me tell you something, you silly goose. Grilling isn’t a way of cooking, it’s a way of survival. As in, if I don’t eat a fucking burger in the next 45 minutes, I’m going to die of starvation. At least I think so. Either way, you need the Longhorn Steer Grill. It’s not just a grill, it’s a grill shaped like a steer/bull. Think of the possibilities: parties, bar mitzvahs and so much more. You can even put a cowboy hat on the cow and everyone will laugh at your carefully crafted joke. Yeah, you’re that good.
Made by Traeger Grills, the Longhorn Steer Grill isn’t for the grilling novice who can’t appreciate the taste of Lea & Perrins. A grill that goes for $1700 demands the utmost respect and patience. In time, you’ll find that with the right amount of beef and concentration, your stomach can swell to over six hundred times its regular size. At least that’s what my uncle told me.
