Gearfuse

Imagine this. Let’s just say your name happens to be, oh, I don’t know, Fred Savage, and your grandfather happens to be a book obsessed Peter Falk impersonator. Say he walks into your bedroom one day when you’re coughing your ass off, I mean hacking up a fuckin’ lung, and he starts rambling about some six-fingered man and a rhyming giant. I know, you’d think to yourself, great, Grandpa has finally lost it and there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s probably going to murder me in my sleep and mom won’t care because she loves her batshit crazy father. Awesome.

But instead of murdering you, maybe Grandpa Pete just wants to gift upon you a miraculous piece of Princess Bride gadgetry. The Inigo Montoya Nametag iPhone case allows you to feel as though you too need to take revenge against the six-fingered man. Damn him and his extra limb of evil. Damn him to hell. But first, let’s make sure our iPhone doesn’t get scuffed up in the impending battle, shall we, hmmm?

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If I was a chick there would be no competition.  Not only would I wear this dress to my prom, but every single one of my bridesmaids would be decked out in 24,000 LED bulbs.

Created by two designers in London for the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago, the LED bulbs of the Galaxy Dress are diffused by layers of silk chiffon and a silk crinoline skirt. Embedded in the spaces between the LEDs are at least 4000 Swarovski crystals. No woman has yet worn this dress as it went right from the design floor to the museum and with a price tag that’s sure to be in the hundreds of thousands or even the millions, there’s little chance most women (or men, we don’t judge) will even have a chance.

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This might just be Mario and Luigi’s attempt to get their name in the papers only days before the release of the new Super Mario Bros. Wii game, but apparently the two plumbers were spotted assaulting a NYC cab driver.

Don’t get too discouraged quite yet, your two favorite plumbers still might have a chance. Number one, the attack was on Halloween, so it might not be the REAL Mario and Luigi, but perhaps the work of two impostors. The fact that it happened in 4D also lends credibility to a fake. A third man, who was wearing a tuxedo, is also being sought. No mention of if they were packing mushrooms at the time of the incident.

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Back in the day you either sat in a cube in front of a computer and secretly looked at porn while your boss was off playing golf with some trophy wife by his side (whom I totally didn’t have sex with, by the way) or you worked with your hands, wrist deep in shit or half-dead from back pain. As time goes on, the line between blue and while collar work has become increasingly thin. Computer engineers particularly require skills of both styles.

This awesome LT-XL Portable Office bag is made with the sky blue worker in mind, splitting the bag into the hardcore tool side, and the slightly less hardcore office supply side. You can also store a laptop and other delicate electronics right in the same bag as you keep assorted screwdrivers, which really cuts down on the man power. One less bag equals more arm room for other important shit.

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What happens in Buckingham Palace, stays in Buckingham Palace. How does the Queen keep a lid on her geeky little secret? All she has to do is remind her guests that, technically, she can still order a beheading. Match point!

So, now that we actually know what happens behind those palace gates, I’d love to know the Queen mother’s handle. I’d totally school her.

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I shattered a windshield with my bare hands once. True story. Of course by bare hands I mean my Fist Sledgehammer’s hands. But technically they are “my” hands. I mean, I do own them, amirite? Of course I am. Leave me alone.

Because double fisting your favorite brew can lead to double fisting the nearest face, know what I’m sayin’, G? Might as well cause some real damage while “reimagining” your friend’s facial structure. It’s only a matter of time before this thing finds its way into a porn movie.

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As a professional key… forgeter… person, I know the importance of having a steady spot to lay down your shit. If I didn’t have “a spot” I’d just throw my keys anywhere and everywhere. Hell, I’d probably just throw them across the room for the fuck of it. But the Doorganizer changes all of that, boring prick that it is.

No more throwing my keys just because I can, nope, the Doorganizer, with its accusing glances and pun-tastic name, ensures that I never have an excuse to show up for work late again. Thanks asshole. Grab your own for $18.

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Soon to be quarantined after the nasty scabies epidemic, this MacBook for Pirates features a special Apple and crossbones logo design courtesy of Etsy user LastFuse (name thief that they be), selling their decal for only $2.50.

If the parrot, hat and eye patch didn’t tip them off, this decal sure will.

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I’m glad they decided to go this direction next season. This could have been ugly had they slightly changed their premise. Can you picture it? Batmole: Ad Exec. Batman: Geriatric Secretary. Yeah. This could have been bad.

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El Jobso was spotted outside of  1 Infinite Loop recently and it looks like he’s gained some of those pre-surgery curves back. Am I the only one who feels the strong compulsion to furiously roll large balls at the Apple CEO?

I’m glad to see he’s got his appetite back though. His waif-ish figure was starting to scare me there for a while.

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