Momergency Kit: Something she could really use for Mother’s Day

I know, it’s a little late to be telling you now, but hey, you should get your mother the Momergency Kit for Mother’s Day. It comes with tools for Mom to help keep her sane, and to keep kids busy. Here’s a selection of what it includes followed by a brief explanation on what we think they could be used for:

• A balloon (for strangling herself with)
• Scissors (for gouging out her eyes and slitting her wrists)
• A bandage (for covering the wrist wound)
• Dice (to earn some money in the crack house while you sit and cry)
• Needle and thread (to sew your mouth shut)

There’s more included, but from the looks of it, she’ll only get this far before being arrested. Available now for $25. — Andrew Dobrow
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