Hello Kitty Wine Doesn’t Quite Set The Right Mood

Unless your trying to pull a Jacko, I don’t know how well Hello Kitty Wine will set the mood for a romantic night in. I know if someone whipped out a bottle of this I’d probably laugh and then run-away in fear of my virgin anus’s innocence. Because everyone knows, if they’re desperate enough to buy Hello Kitty Wine, they’re sure as hell evil enough to own the Hello Kitty Chainsaw.

Officially available for purchase on May 1, the creepier of the sommeliers among you will have to wait a few weeks before busting out the fail-proof Hello Kitty Wine, which will be bottled by Italian wine maker Dino Torti in the Lombardy, Italy region. Available in four varieties: Sweet Pink, Devil, Angel and Brut Rose.

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