Don’t Try Fingertongs On Your Girl

I’ve got a bone to pick with you fuckers at Fingertongs. Why aren’t you running a more aggressive advertising campaign? I could have really used a pair during the Summer of 2006 when I burnt my left hand grabbing a hamburger off the grill. Sure, I was seven beers deep but how is that my fault? I needed your gloves that can take up to 500°F and reduce splatter. Oooh! That’s right! I spent all my money on beer, so can you hook it up? No? But I don’t have the $18 you require for this “purchase” you speak of. Fuck it. I’m just going to go grab a hot dog off the grill.

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