Brando Answers Your Cries For Help, As Long As You Happen To Be Crying “Help, My Eyeballs are Freezing!”

usb_eye_warmer

My poor, poor eyeballs. Every other part of my body gets some sort of warmth treatment throughout the day whether it be via Snuggie or mask, but my eyeballs remain shivering in their little sockets. The patented Brando USB Eye-Warmer works on keeping your eyeballs snug and cozy.

No offense to Brando, because I’m sure they had only thoughts of well-being and helpfulness towards their customers, but what happens if you fall asleep with this thing on and it shorts out. Are we talking third degree burns to the face? Do we need to sign a disclaimer before each use? Is this safe for testicular use? (That’s right, I always have to take it there.)

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