Toasted bread is the way to go but sometimes I’m in the mood to toast an entire sandwich. Pork roll, egg and cheese on sliced Rick Astley bread can get a little sloppy when you try to cram it into a toaster. I’m not talking about those awkward toasters either, I mean your basic, run of the mill toaster.

That’s exactly why the toaster bags were invented, it gives you the ability to toast your sandwiches like Subway so you can be just as much of a lard-ass as Jared was before he started actually working out. It’s called the Toastabag and for just $18.95 you get two reusable bags that’ll toast anything you shove in them. Or you could try aluminum foil. I’ve done it and it (sorta) works.

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Grab your baskets, cooler, and your favorite lady, and take a stroll out to the park because picnic planning just got a lot easier. The Spontaneous Picnic Dress doubles as a faux-retro fashion statement for your girl, while offering a place to lounge, eat, and possibly even mix up some drinks if the picnic spirit chooses you for its outdoor eating agenda. Remember to watch out for that meddling Yogi Bear.

Made using 3 food related fabrics (although the dress most likely doesn’t taste very good), the “Buttercup” dress is great for a Spring venture to your favorite picnicking spot. Oh, and not to mention easy access to the va-jay-jay for a little post-lunch fornication. — Andrew Dobrow

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They say the pen is mightier than the sword. But it would be pretty cool to have a cool knife extension to add on to the pen just in case. These eating utensil extensions for pens allow you to turn any average ballpoint into dining cutlery, or a weapon, depending on if you’re a cup-half-empty sort of guy.

Just imagine. The next time you see a only slightly soiled piece of chicken in someones trash can, you can whip out your pen and eat away. It’s funny how many gadgets can be turned into a hobo joke. — Andrew Dobrow

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