Sleep Aid Toothpaste

Pearly Dreams toothpaste was made to help you sleep. In other words, brush your teeth with this stuff and say goodnight. You’ll be lucky to make it to your bed.

Containing a cocktail of Melatonin, Balm Mint, Valerian and Passionflower and endorsed by Aerosmith’s Brad Whitford (wtf?), Pearly Dreams promises a long night of unconsciousness. Or you can just drink until you pass out like usual. I wouldn’t trust having this in my bathroom. Knowing my luck, I’d use it right before a date or something and wind up half-alive at dinner instead of potentially getting laid.

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