Lighter Candles for the Pyromaniac Birthday Boy

Well, it’s your tenth birthday, son. And you know what that means. Time for your first cigarette! No, don’t fight back. It’s for your own good. It’ll help you grow into a real man, like me, and R2-D2! You like R2-D2 right? That’s right, breathe deep. In honor of your first mini-stogy I’ve taken it upon myself to adorn your cake with lighter candles. Feel free to touch them all you want, just don’t come crying to me when you’ve got third degree burns on your little fingers.

Ahh, the big one-oh. You can finally get a full-time job. Maybe find a bitch of your very own. Yes, it’s all downhill from here.

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