Japanese company Thanko just came out with a new set of headphones that clip to the bottom of wearers’ earlobes like earrings. Thanko’s headphones seem to be the exact opposite of noise cancelling and, frankly, they look pretty darn stupid. If they were wireless, these things really would lbe like earrings, but as is, they just look like standard headphones that fit funny.

I guess Thanko is hoping that women have been looking for a new style of headphones. I can’t imagine that there are girls who think this would look good or that there are people who want to sacrifice sound quality to look like a total d-bag. On the other hand, Thanko did make a pair of these that are decorated with a cute cartoon panda. People love cute animals, so maybe these stupid headphones will manage to be a hit.

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What better way to warm that right hand up? Plug in this cute, blue fish from Thanko and let ‘er rip. Just keep your hand inside while you use the mouse and you’ll be hotter than Sarah Palin. Of course, there’s a good chance you’ll get skin cancer or a weird rash from it but who’s counting? $22 and the ability to fistfuck a plush fish.

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The SARS panic might be years behind us, at least as far as pandemics go, but face masks are making a come back. I’m telling you. Don’t believe me? Check out this Cooling Face Mask from Thanko. Powered right from your USB port, the mask gives you 51-inches of breathing room. Go any further and you’ll be dragging your computer with you.

A built-in fan acts as an exhaust system for your face, filtering out heat, fumes, the stench of Grandpa’s bowel movement, and also protecting you from any deadly outbreaks of bird flu. You can get your own for around $25. — Andrew Dobrow

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Or so you might be led to believe if you are to take the false advertising of Thanko literally. I mean, we know that they are just trying to show arm movement, but it really looks like the model has some weird arm mutation. While I wouldn’t mind having an extra arm, I really wouldn’t mind having something like the Thanko Vacuum Cleaner Mouse.

While the mouse isn’t some magic wand that will mystically make every item of clutter vanish (or even provide a satisfactory mouse experience with standard three button, USB 1.1 mouse and a 800dpi sensor), it seems like a decent solution for picking up the odd crumb or dust when you need a little refreshing. — Andrew Dobrow

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Coming in great handy if you were to ever become lost at sea…with a computer. The USB Morse Code Machine, from who else but useless USB gadget masters Thanko, helps you to master the lost art of Morse Code. Teaching you to dot and dash until you can’t dot and dash no more.

Soon enough you’ll be having full conversations in Morse Code, with any else who’s listening having no idea what the hell that damn beeping noise is. Score one for mystery.

Editor Note: This is in fact a USB mobile charger. It resembles a morse code machine so much, even we geniuses were fooled! Psh, it happens. Thanks for pointing that out Steve! — Andrew Dobrow

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Before you run out and buy a FM transmitter for your iPod, consider this. This MP3-playing Watch comes with its own FM Transmitter. The watch has everything built in to have tunes blaring through your car stereo whenever you want them too. And although there has been other wirelessly transmitting MP3 watches, the difference with this one is that it actually looks cool.

The watch is available in storage choices of 512 MB, 1 GB, and 2 GB models for the price of 12,800 yen ($107.83), 16,800 yen ($141.53), and 19,800 yen ($166.81) respectively, and has a cool control interface via buttons on the watches side. They are compatible with both Microsoft Windows XP/Vista and Mac OS X. The FMP3 Watch is a nice substitution for a typical transmitter. Available now from Thanko. — Andrew Dobrow

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When we want music, we want music everywhere, some of us even want it underwater, so somebody created the underwater MP3 player. The problem of listening to music underwater is that the earphone lines are going to tangle, let alone the fact that your ears would feel uncomfortable because of the super tight earbuds; another danger would actually be not knowing what’s going on underwater because you can’t hear. Thanko has solved all these problems today.

Similar to their original bone-conduction headphone, instead of placing the buds into your ears, you would be pressing them against your skull close to your ears, you would be listening to the music via bone conduction and not air conduction. One more thing, since the headphone is water-proof and shaped like a headband, Thanko also added a little pouch where you can slide your iPod Shuffle in. So you can listen to your iPod Shuffle underwater without worrying about the chords, or what’s going on underwater (you still have your ears to hear). Pretty neat eh? The waterproof headband bone-conduction headphones will be available starting today at $85 in Japan. –Sam Chan

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Japanese lanterns look great, the only problem is that they use candles, and they’re made of wood and paper. How about having something that looks pretty much exactly the same as those lanterns, saves the candles, can be powered via USB and also dubbed as an external speaker? That’s right, you can pick up one of these for 37USB from Thanko now. Say buh-bye to those good-o boring, ugly looking speakers. –Sam Chan

Lantern Speaker [Thanko]

Not sure if you have ever heard of EMS (electrical muscle stimulation), it’s basically using an external electrical source to stimulate your muscles to work, hence mimicking the very act of working out. Not sure if it works, and not sure how well it works. Anyway, some Japanese company is combining this with your mouse, so you would have EMS powered over USB, you may also change the work-out mode with the accessory buttons on your mouse. Who wants to go to the gym anymore? You can pick up one of these in Japan for 52USD today. –Sam Chan

Muscle Mouse [Thanko]

If you see someone on the street wearing headphones in front of the ears but not over the ears, that person is probably not crazy but probably the smartest dude around here, because he’s using Thanko’s Vonia bone conduction headphones. Instead of pumping sound into your ear canal, it relies on the part of temporal bone in front of your ears to conduct the vibration (sound), it is hard to explain how it feels but you can ask your doctor to perform a Rinne’s on you to get the hang of it. Bone conduction is the best when you are list music in loud places, the volume doesn’t have to go up to hurt your ears either. Enough of messing around at science museum, Thanko is already selling these headphones for 86USD in Japan. More product shots after the jump. –Sam Chan

Product page [Thanko]