Thanko might not be known for their practicality, but I think they might be on to something for once. Their Micro Sports MP3 Player looks more like a Bluetooth headset. The device fits right into your ear with a built-in earbud. It’s that tiny.
Available in 2GB and 4GB flavors, the Micro Sports MP3 Player looks a little chintzy, but seems to be even tinier than Apple’s iPod Shuffle.
Hey, at least he isn’t pooping.
This is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. You plug it in. He pisses. End quote. Oh, and you don’t even need a USB port. Batteries are also fine for some authentic pissing action. Thanks so much Thanko for another irreplaceable and essential gadget. What would we do without you.
Clearly not for the ardent audiophile, these CATBUD headphones, while likely not offering crystal clear sound, will make you look a little like a kitty cat thanks to the furry ears attached to the set.
If you get really bored on Halloween and find yourself in need of some sort of distraction from all of the greedy candy obsessed kids, just pop the buds in your ears and sail away to the sweet sounds of CAT Stevens. Get it? Get it? Grab your own pair for around $40.
Doesn’t it suck when you get stuck with a shitty new roommate? You know the type I mean. The ones who demand that we can’t puff away at smokes all day indoors like we’re accustomed to. And we just got our brand new lighter too! Who do they think they are? The government?
As they usually do, Thanko has come to our rescue. Their USB Cigarette’s emissions has a sweeter aroma than typical tobacco smoke, though it does eliminate all of that delicious nicotine and tar. Thanko ships the custom filters in packs of 11 and the USB Cigarette itself for about $30.
Hi, I’m Doctor Vincent Veneziani B.D.. I’ll be your breast doctor for today. Please remove your shirt.
Thanks. Hmmm, good feel. Nice and firm. Not too big. I’d say you’re healthy. What’s this, though? You’re always cold? No problem. Try these USB breast warmers out. Where did I get them? Where else? Thanko! Just plug them in and I promise that within 48 hours, your breasts will be swollen with warmth. My right hand? Oh, sorry. I was just getting a pen out of my pocket…
Japanese company Thanko just came out with a new set of headphones that clip to the bottom of wearers’ earlobes like earrings. Thanko’s headphones seem to be the exact opposite of noise cancelling and, frankly, they look pretty darn stupid. If they were wireless, these things really would lbe like earrings, but as is, they just look like standard headphones that fit funny.
I guess Thanko is hoping that women have been looking for a new style of headphones. I can’t imagine that there are girls who think this would look good or that there are people who want to sacrifice sound quality to look like a total d-bag. On the other hand, Thanko did make a pair of these that are decorated with a cute cartoon panda. People love cute animals, so maybe these stupid headphones will manage to be a hit.
What better way to warm that right hand up? Plug in this cute, blue fish from Thanko and let ‘er rip. Just keep your hand inside while you use the mouse and you’ll be hotter than Sarah Palin. Of course, there’s a good chance you’ll get skin cancer or a weird rash from it but who’s counting? $22 and the ability to fistfuck a plush fish.
The SARS panic might be years behind us, at least as far as pandemics go, but face masks are making a come back. I’m telling you. Don’t believe me? Check out this Cooling Face Mask from Thanko. Powered right from your USB port, the mask gives you 51-inches of breathing room. Go any further and you’ll be dragging your computer with you.
A built-in fan acts as an exhaust system for your face, filtering out heat, fumes, the stench of Grandpa’s bowel movement, and also protecting you from any deadly outbreaks of bird flu. You can get your own for around $25. — Andrew Dobrow
Or so you might be led to believe if you are to take the false advertising of Thanko literally. I mean, we know that they are just trying to show arm movement, but it really looks like the model has some weird arm mutation. While I wouldn’t mind having an extra arm, I really wouldn’t mind having something like the Thanko Vacuum Cleaner Mouse.
While the mouse isn’t some magic wand that will mystically make every item of clutter vanish (or even provide a satisfactory mouse experience with standard three button, USB 1.1 mouse and a 800dpi sensor), it seems like a decent solution for picking up the odd crumb or dust when you need a little refreshing. — Andrew Dobrow
Coming in great handy if you were to ever become lost at sea…with a computer. The USB Morse Code Machine, from who else but useless USB gadget masters Thanko, helps you to master the lost art of Morse Code. Teaching you to dot and dash until you can’t dot and dash no more.
Soon enough you’ll be having full conversations in Morse Code, with any else who’s listening having no idea what the hell that damn beeping noise is. Score one for mystery.
Editor Note: This is in fact a USB mobile charger. It resembles a morse code machine so much, even we geniuses were fooled! Psh, it happens. Thanks for pointing that out Steve! — Andrew Dobrow
