Helen Keller Was A Drunk (PROOF)

Sure, in 1821 Louis Braille created a language for the visually impaired. But did you know it was made famous by mute-extraordinaire Helen Keller? Seems this rare artifact was discovered in some guy’s backyard. It appears to be a wine bottle from Lazarus Wine with braille writing all over it. It adds fuel to my theory that Keller wasn’t mute, but rather was just an angry drunk, slurring her words violently and stumbling around in a drunken haze. After all, when you’re tanked, you can’t see or speak straight and usually don’t pick up on someone talking to you unless they’re hot.

Wait. This is a bottle of wine from Lazarus Wine that’s current? It’s designed to promote ethical marketing? What the fuck! My theory is busted!


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