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Career Choices for Women According to the Video Game Department of Walmart

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So many viable options, so little time! For the low, low price of $30 you too can get a head start on your completely non-stereotypical career choice. Who doesn’t want to grow up to be a cheerleader?

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Keyboard Purse

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My girlfriend will use this bag whether she likes it or not.

The Keybag is a purse made of keyboard keys, so for once you’ll know exactly how to press her buttons. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all night.

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Review: JBL/Roxy Reference 250 Headphones

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JBL has always been a purveyor of fine audio, which makes total sense considering its parent company is Harmon Kardon. A few years back, I reviewed some Reference 220 earbud headphones, which were affordable and sounded great on the iPod. This time around, JBL has teamed up with Quiksilver’s surfin’ sister company Roxy on a line of headphones that are catered towards young women. Do they stand the test of time? Perhaps.

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iPhone “Slide to Unlock” Panties are Geekily Raunch

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This is the geeky stuff wet dreams are made of. The “Slide to Unlock” iPhone panties are the extremely sexy answer for the clueless nerd. Even if you’ve never had a previous sexual experience (probably about 90% of our audience), the handy iPhone guide will ease them into sexual knowledge.

Each pair is $12 and worth every single penny.

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Craiglist Ditching Erotic Services Section: There Goes Your Love Life

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The day you’ve been dreading has finally arrived. Criagslist has announced that they will be removing the free-wheeling “erotic” services section of their site and will replace it with an “adult” section. Every post in the adult section will be hand moderated.

Apparently taming the shrew just wasn’t enough. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!

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SteamVibe: A Steampunk Pleasure Machine

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It’s lean! It’s mean! It’ll turn your vagina green! It’s the SteamVibe from Ani Niow, an artist and designer who’s clearly got the needs of many women on the mind. It uses compressed air to vibrate and wiggle around, which undoubtedly will give a vaudevillian sense of pleasure to females of all ages.

Though, in my opinion, it looks like it’d destroy your pelvis, fallopian tubes and then some.

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Panda Ear Buds Perfect For Your Japanese Girlfriend

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If you’re a true geek you’ve likely either dated a Japanese girlfriend or fantasized about having one. If by any chance you actually have one, they would surely go totally nuts over these Panda Ear buds. You know how girls, in general, not even specifically Japanese, are into this cutesy shit.

Even if you’re a hipster dude, you might dig wearing these buds. One thing’s for sure. Even though you might look a little desperate, the ear pandas are sure to get you some feminine attention. Check them out for $15 from FredFlare.

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Snow White Apple Macbook Case Mod

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Why is it that women just can’t resist tainted fruit? First, Eve came along and fucked up immortality for the whole human race (thanks a lot, Satan), and then Snow White, for some reason, thought some random apple from a poorly disguised farmer would be totally wholesome and delicious. I think the lesson we’ve learned here is never to accept fruit from cartoon characters or serpents.

With that womanly weakness for fruit in mind, this Apple Macbook case mod ingeniously uses Apple’s iconic logo to incorporate the symbol of the ultimate female temptation, a ripe and supple pair of shoes piece of fruit.

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Adult Toy Recycling Program

Ladies! Do you love to munch rug? Find pleasure in shoving a cucumber in your vagina or anus? Excellent. Pay attention.

After awhile, you’ll most likely have built up an impressive collection of sex toys that rivals that of Star Jones’. Do yourself, your husband and the environment a favor and dispose of these toys properly. Instead of throwing it out and leaving it for Ted the Garbageman to find, use this official Sex Toy Recycling Program. Send ‘em a box of dildos and you’ll get a $10 credit towards a new one from their online store. Not a bad deal, right? This company will even clean and dismantle your vibrators and dildos to ensure they’re disposed of properly.

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USB Breast Warmers Are Gearfuse-certified

Hi, I’m Doctor Vincent Veneziani B.D.. I’ll be your breast doctor for today. Please remove your shirt.

Thanks. Hmmm, good feel. Nice and firm. Not too big. I’d say you’re healthy. What’s this, though? You’re always cold? No problem. Try these USB breast warmers out. Where did I get them? Where else? Thanko! Just plug them in and I promise that within 48 hours, your breasts will be swollen with warmth. My right hand? Oh, sorry. I was just getting a pen out of my pocket…

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