Gearfuse

Within those hours upon hours of playing around with Super Mario Bros. we figured there must have been some sort of life lesson. We convinced our parents that the game was teaching us indispensable hand-eye coordination skills. But there was another hidden message that, unbeknown to us, would teach us all we needed to know for our adult years.

The Money, Power, Woman Mario shirt illustrates just how the progress of life works. Much like the wise-woman Lil’ Kim once said “First you get the muthafuckin’ money, then you get the mothafuckin’ powah.” Now, third, she said you get respect. But screw respect. We want some poon-tang.

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I can understand poverty. I’m a two-bit blogger who lives in public housing. But what I can’t understand is why a woman with so many children that she apparently “didn’t know what to do” with all of them, would live in a damn shoe. Couldn’t she find something that was a little less likely to cause her children to get athlete’s foot on their face?

As usual, I digress. The Shoe Bathtub, designed by SICIS, is pretty much where you’d imagine that same old woman would live if she happened to be a water-borne protozoa. This is the sort of bath that just screams tact and class. That is, if you happen to live on Sex and the City Island. More vomit-inducing glitz after the jump.

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“The female form is the most attractive in nature,” says Dutch sculptor Mario Philippona. We couldn’t agree more. After all, no one wants a sculpture of a man’s flaccid genitals decorating their home. Instead, why not a coffee table with a woman’s legs and curvy rear-end at each corner?  That’s what Mario has been sculpting: erotic home decor inspired by a woman’s figure.  He even crafted a fruit bowl inspired by women’s breasts dubbed “Tittyfruity.”

The table lets all your friends know you aren’t a switch hitter and it lets all of your lady guests know you’re perverted. Hey, at least they won’t think you’re a misogynistic asshole.

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I have to say, woman are interested in some of the tackiest gadgets of all time, most of which carry the Hello Kitty branding. The Mickey Mouse shaped M Player just got shoved down a notch in my book of classiness (which I keep handy at all times.)

With the “ears” decked in fruity Swarovski crystals, and brandishing a revolting pinkish purplish hue, the special edition M Player is also availble in your choice of white, blue, silver, and black. But the pink flavor is just so much more interesting to stab at with prose of cruelty. — Andrew Dobrow

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Not to be confused with the African-American rendition of The Wizard Of Oz, The Whiz is a gadget that allows woman to experience what its like to pee standing up. Being of the male persuasion myself, I never thought there was anything phenomenal about it, except for the apparent speed differences.

Available in a number of colors, The Whiz is said to be anti-bacterial and discrete. Well, as discrete as a piss tube for woman can be. (more…)

Moaning Lisa is a conceptual interactive game which not only looks like a real blast, but also teaches you knowledge on how to crack the code to the cryptic female orgasm. Lisa comes with a set of 7 touch sensors marked with stars to help you become better equipped to please the female form.

Much like a real woman, if she’s left ignored, she’ll start moaning at passerbys to come give her a tickle. So you better keep her pleased if you don’t want to attract too much attention. — Andrew Dobrow

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