If you don’t think your neighbors would think too kindly of your having a live-in robot posing a wine rack, no worries. This Robot Wine Rack ships with an incognito mustache. Guests will wonder who your new debonair house guest is. Just tell them its your little secret. Of course, the mustache is purely optional, but why not? Lacking a mustache when there’s one available should be a crime.
Imagine if you received a bottle of wine as a gift. Not bad, right? Now imagine if the box that the wine came in could turn into a lamp. Yes, you read correctly. That’s how the boxes from Cava wines work. Even a bulb and ballast setup is included so you can light things up from the start. Ease the mood for the ladies, pour a glass of Shiraz and off come the panties. What more could you ask for from a bottle of wine? No recession talk, please.
Bleak wine corks just don’t do it for me anymore. I need a wine stopper with some flavor, some spice. Something that bares it all without sacrificing the work that a wine stopper provides. Something like this pole dancing stripper wine stopper.
She does bare it all and she’ll never fuss about working early mornings or late nights. All she’s looking for are a few dollar bills to be shoved into her panties. Her going rate is $9 dollars, which is quite possibly the cheapest call girl – ever.
When you’re at a kicking party that’s got a ton of free wine and hors d’oeuvres, your hands are bound to be full. With this re-imagined paper clip, however, holding a glass of wine with your dish full of appetizers will leave your other hand free to shake hands and/or grab asses.
The Polish design studio Razy2 is calling this paper clip the Kylpsos. Designed by Paulina Krauza and Jacek Ryn, two party freaks who can never have enough free hands for ass grabbing. With a free hand, picking your nose at parties is no longer problematic. At least for me.
This morning, time stood still as I came upon this article on how a team of researchers at Rice University in Houston are working to create a beer that could fight cancer and heart disease. They’re genetically engineering a beer that includes resveratrol, a disease-fighting chemical that can been found in red wine.
These folks deserve the Nobel Prize in awesomeness. Before now, beer has always been that drink that tasted great, made you feel like a million bucks and left you with a gut and a bad hangover. Now, it does all of those things in addition to promoting a healthy heart. Fuck eating Cheerios; drink beer instead.
If Tom Joad had some of these grapes, he could have moved out of hicksville and into the Ritz-Carlton or some shit. This bunch of deliciously sweet grapes went for $1000 at a recent auction. For $1000, a hotel owner was able to procure 30 of the sweet, succulent grapes that are a little smaller than a CamBall. These just weren’t any grapes though:
The Ruby Roman variety, developed by the Ishikawa Prefecture Agricultural Research Center, was sold to an upscale hotel owner on Monday. The single bunch, consisting of 30 grapes each slightly smaller than a ping-pong ball, were described as “delicious: sweet but fresh at the same time, very well balanced,” by Agricultural official Hirofumi Isu.
I have a lot of dirty jokes I’m tempted to crack since it’s Friday but I think I’ll leave that up to you and the comments.
Sure, in 1821 Louis Braille created a language for the visually impaired. But did you know it was made famous by mute-extraordinaire Helen Keller? Seems this rare artifact was discovered in some guy’s backyard. It appears to be a wine bottle from Lazarus Wine with braille writing all over it. It adds fuel to my theory that Keller wasn’t mute, but rather was just an angry drunk, slurring her words violently and stumbling around in a drunken haze. After all, when you’re tanked, you can’t see or speak straight and usually don’t pick up on someone talking to you unless they’re hot.
Wait. This is a bottle of wine from Lazarus Wine that’s current? It’s designed to promote ethical marketing? What the fuck! My theory is busted!
They’ve made thumb drives out of pretty much everything; even Luke Skywalker comes in USB form. Now, snobby wine connoisseurs everywhere can confuse their dozens of wine corks lying around the house for this 1GB USB flash drive.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t double as a wine stopper, it just looks like one, so if you happen to mix it up and try to use it as one, you can kiss your data goodbye. Look on the bright side: you can always drink the pain away.
If you’ve been known to be a bit of a wino (maybe even perusing your share of fine art), you probably know that allowing the air to hit your wine is an important part of the tasting experience. Sure, sticking a penis in the bottle will stop the air from reaching it too early, but what about when you actually want to drink it?
The Vinturi Wine Aerator not only allows the right amount of air to reach your wine, resulting in “a better bouquet, enhanced flavor, and a smoother finish”, but looks stylish at the same time. Get your for $36. — Andrew Dobrow
Even if you’re not a fan of the wine with fruit floating in it, speakers made from sangria jugs are a pretty unique idea for some drunken musical entertainment. Wino Carlo Rossi has created the Sangria Sound System for your alcoholic pleasure.
