Gearfuse

I don’t know about you, but I’d find it quite difficult to take steps with this thing straddled in between my legs. Alas, it is Honda’s inevitable desire to give me blue balls with its latest device geared towards the disabled – the walking assist device with body weight support system. Honda is no stranger to assisted walking devices for the eldery, but it is treading in new waters by trying to get men to sit on this thing.

If that saddle wasn’t sitting uncomfortably underneath my package, the device would never reduce the load on leg muscles and joints. It’s supposed to support a portion of a person’s body weight with help from a seat that just crushes your junk. If you ask me, it looks as bad as some bike seats.

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Jim Lynch over at Extreme Tech wrote a funny post we just couldn’t ignore. Almost the entire column goes over how much Steve Jobs is in dire need of a wardrobe intervention. All of his clothes are either too short or too baggy due to his recent loss of weight. C’mon Steve, you’ve got cash, you can afford leather. Anything but those horrid workout clothes you’re always sporting. What would you want to see Steve in? Pierre Cardin? BOSS?

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The Lotus Elise is a car known for its light weight and unique design. Now, those are all preliminary factors with the Eco Elise.   Everything about this car circles around saving the world one step at a time. Water-based paint job? Check. Hemp, I repeat: Hemp interior? Check. Solar panels? Check. What the fuck does this car not have that’s thinking about the environment? I got it! An engine that doesn’t run on fossil fuel.

So, regardless of the gasoline powered engine (with or without a fuel efficiency button), this car is stacked  with planet saving gear. To top it all off, it’s 70 pounds lighter than the normal Lotus Elise.  Who cares? It has an interior made of hemp. I want one.

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Are you an overwhelming fat ass that just can’t shred those pounds because going to the gym is another chore on your list of things you won’t do?  Well, your prayers have been answered! The Vibro Shape slimming belt is said to rid you of your beer-belly in favor of some sexy washboard abs. The belt can also be used on the shoulders, hips, and thighs for a full body workout and a safe auto timer will turn the unit off after 15 minutes to prevent the heat from burning more than just your fat.

A $26 belt that “melts” your fat away with vibration and heat is every couch potato’s dream. Nerds will certainly be in dire need of one of these when Wrath of the Lich King hits store shelves. It’s a damn shame vibrating weight-loss equipment like these never work, otherwise they’d have a heftier price tag.

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No one likes hauling ridiculously heavy bags around the airport. LiveLuggage’s Power Assisted series uses a special wheel to make your traveling a heck of a lot more lightweight. This luggage is designed to distribute 85% of the total weight directly upon the wheels, making you feel you’re only carrying a fraction of it.

The intelligent torque control powers the wheels and the pressure is applied to the handle, leading to the concentration of force sensors at the base. The tilt switch/sensors power the wheels at specific angles between 15% and 35% incline.

This torque control activates manually or automatically when necessary and in the event that you drop your luggage, it’ll automatically deactivate so your stuff won’t resist gravity and fly away.
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Hey, fatty / string bean / muscle man / average weight person or otherwise. Yeah, I’m talking to you. Why must you lie to yourself? You think you’re so healthy, but trust me, there must be something wrong with you. And whatever it is, you bet your ass the Overall Health Balance Scale finds it and taunts you with it.

To be honest, there are other scales that might take the same exact measurements. The Overall device measures your weight, BMI, subcutaneous fat ratio, organ fat level, muscle level, and basal metabolic rate, but does it stop there? Psh, of course not. This little bugger goes even further, grading your health in each category on a five point scale, and then offering you a overall health rating based on your age. If your plump paunch is so large in circumference that you can’t read the digital read out, an easy-to-read screen is able to be read at eye level. That is, if you haven’t already lost your upper limbs to diabetes.

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I’ve had girlfriends in the past that have been utterly terrified of the scale. They’d rather be seen wearing this hat in public than know how much they weigh (and god forbid if I were to glance over their shoulder and glimpse a digit or two.) We can only imagine that MiBody would be those ladies’ equivalent of the apocalypse. And we shudder to think what could happen if they ever hear of DoCoMo’s ego-crushing phone.

Not only does the MiBody scale tell you your weight, but goes on to badger you about your body fat, body water, muscle mass, BMI, BMR, and probably other nasty abbreviations starting with ‘B’. MiBody even has the nerve to offer you USB transfer of these stats to your computer. As if you want to know how much larger your waist line is growing. Shove it up your ass, MiBody! Everyone can’t have that conceptual super-thin black sleekness that your body does! — Andrew Dobrow

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…It’s time for a new scale. The Eye Level Wireless Scale allows you to read your weight, even if your tummy is too large to view the weight on a typical floor scale. Though, before the thought “Wow, I think I need a new scale” enters your mind, hopefully the thought “Wow, I really need to lose some weight” is the initial phrase which pops into your cranium.

The scale provides a handy accessory to hold which wirelessly transmits your weight from the base to the handheld display for eye level laziness. And you can get your own for $40. That is, if you can push yourself to spend the same amount of money on a new scale as 6 Big Mac meals. — Andrew Dobrow

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Rather than measuring by inches, this belt is designed to guesstimate your weight. The larger your waist, the higher the weight will show as with the Weight Belt. Using this belt in conjunction with the ego-crushing phone could solve your over-confidence issues in a snap.

The problem with this is if you have a really large ass, or have your mother’s hips (even if you’re a guy), the belt might guess your weight to be higher. Something tells me the style freaks wearing something like this don’t have to worry about their weight anyway. Unless this goes by kilograms. Then there might be a problem. Screw the metric system!

(Update: Further research on this product leads us to believe this belt might just monitor your waist size in cm. Still pretty cool for keeping an eye on your girth.) (more…)

With New Years just around the corner, many of you are starting to look for ways to lose weight to fulfill that New Year’s resolution you’ve had for the past 10 years. With those 10 years of failing attempts, you’ve had many experiences with the gym and strange exercise machines. Well if you’re looking for a different approach to losing weight, you could always get yourself a My5 Power Plate. No, it’s not a plate that sucks the crap out of your food; it’s a machine that jiggles the weight off of you. That’s right. The My5 Power Plate is supposed to “advanced vibration technologyâ€? to trigger muscle contractions. While you stand on the power plate watching TV (or eating), the machine transmits waves of energy that make your muscles contract 35 times a second. If you really want to loose weight by jiggling, you might as well sit on your washing machine then dish out $4500 for the My5 Power Plate. If you end up buying this, make sure you choose the best color between silver, black, and white, because nothing is worse than a jiggle plate that doesn’t match the décor of your house. — Nick Rice

My5 Power Plate [via Crave]