Huge news today. John McCain, the Republican nominee eying the White House in November, just announced that his vice presidential candidate will be Sarah Palin (on the right, obviously), a real hot piece of ass from Alaska. This 44-year-old soccer mom most likely did a ton of coke back in the ’80s when she was a star basketball player and is now married and the Governor of Alaska. She’s young, full of sass and most importantly, a hottie.

Did I mention she eats Moose Burger? Interpret that however you please.

Surely some of you are concerned about her political record. Allow me to reassure you that Palin has the experience we need to lead this country:

In 1984, after winning the Miss Wasilla contest earlier that year, Palin finished second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant which won her a scholarship to help pay her way through college.[4] In the Wasilla pageant, she played the flute and also won Miss Congeniality.

She gets high, too! Wikipedia says that Palin “…admits that she used marijuana when it was legal in Alaska, but says that she did not like it.”

Gentlemen, Ladies. I think we have a careful decision to make come November: left-hand or right-hand?

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Discovered on someone’s Tumblr yesterday, I found this link to Wonkette that explains how you can send a fake VP announcement to your friends. Why is this a riot? If you follow politics, you’d know that Barack Obama is announcing his vice president via SMS. Text message. Phone rants. So with a little Verizon Wireless trickery, you too can tell your friends that Obama has picked Ryan Ash as his VP, a choice sure to please the nation. Now go fuck with your friends and don’t rat me out.

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