Nasal aspirators are in no way described as fun. They are traditionally made of rubber and used by over-zealous parents to forcibly remove snot from infant’s noses. A patent for a Portable Nasal Mucus Remover unveils a aspirator that looks more like a torture device than a medical tool.

Geared more towards children removing their snot independently, the Mucus Removing Gun teaches kids the finer things in life. Like how to stick a gun in your face and pull the trigger to remove your problems. Yeah, we REALLY see this one taking off. — Andrew Dobrow

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If you’ve ever played around with one of those online “death calculators”, you know that knowing your own death date isn’t exactly a stress reliever. Not knowing when you’re gonna go is even more nerve wracking. A recent patent reveals this idea for a Life Expectancy Timepiece, which is surely the insurance company’s dream.

Relying on the same actuarial tables your insurance company users to come up with life insurance premiums, the watch works on the basis of asking the user about their “overall health of the individual, whether a person smokes cigarettes, consumes excessive alcohol, and genetic factors such as family histories of known diseases and recorded life spans”. We, as immortals, find no use for such meager tools of the trade. We’ll stick to our Time Watch, since we have lots and lots of that to spare. — Andrew Dobrow

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Home entertainment wizard Bose has a few tricks left up their sleeves, as can be seen from this recently released patent. Bose wants to use electroacoustical transducer technology to integrate a 5.1 surround sound system right into your seat.

The system would also allow for cellular devices to be embedded directly into your chair. The patent descirbes the product, “…an audio system includes an audio signal source having a plurality of audio channel signals including a surround channel signal; a seat having a seat back; an electroacoustical transducer mounted in the seat back; and electronic circuitry coupling the audio signal source and the electroacoustical transducer for transmitting the surround channel signal to the electroacoustical transducer.” — Andrew Dobrow

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What’s Apple gonna do with all that junk? All that junk in the next gen iPod’s trunk! I’ll tell you exactly what Apple is going to do. They’re going to drive us all crazy with the suspense until it’s released. A newly released patent suggests that the next iPod release will have a touch surface on its backside, with the front display being basically a wide screen non-touch display.

Is this a good idea? Perhaps, and here’s why. Without the main display being a touch screen, it would eliminate much of the matience and cleaning needed if you were to be touching the main screen all day. Can you imagine the fingerprints that would get on that thing? The back touch surface will navigate through ghost controls that will activate when the surface is touched and will rely heavily on force activation, or the amount of pressure applied to its interface. Let’s just hope Apple has a really good way not to have this surface activated by simply placing it on a table or something. — Andrew Dobrow

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The confirmation of the iPhone barely out of Steve Jobs’ mouth before rumors started popping up about a possible Zune phone in the works from Microsoft. A newly published patent, which was submitted last year by the Gates’ Squad, seems to be the UI of a possible Zune phone. Whatever it is, it’s definitely some kind of interface for a mobile device. The patent describes an interface with dynamic tiles, changing to match the suit of any running application.

Some of the logos displayed on the UI are really interesting actually. There’s one that seems to be the iconic scale of justice. Will the Zune phone double as a lawyer as well? The most important factor we need to know is whether a Zune phone would display blue screens on system errors. If that was the case we’re not sure if we could even think about purchasing it. Hell, for all we know, the Zune 2 could have been planned to be a mobile device all along. — Andrew Dobrow

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This patent design from Nokia gets us all hot and excited. The N99 slider phone, which is now evidently confirmed from this patent, is going to be one pretty looking cell. Along with the gorgeous QWERTY keyboard and widescreen display, the N99 will also house an unruly 8 MP digital camera.

And oh, how we love the tablet style twisty number pad. The pad seems to be able to fold so that it can be used even in QWERTY mode. This thing is looking gorgeous. — Andrew Dobrow

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With most mobile companies working their hardest to improve battery life and charge time, there are other options popping up as well. This patent for Kinetic power phones would make recharging as easy as shaking the phone, an idea explored in the past only as a concept by ModeLabs. The kinetic energy to electric energy technology is not new in the world of science. You might of seen those flashlights that recharge when you shake them. These phones would use a similar technology. The patent focuses on other kinetic possibilities as well, but the mobile phone idea is the most intriguing. — Andrew Dobrow

Read the Patent [US Patent & Trademark Office, via Mad4MobilePhones]