The Olympics are in full swing and even though those commie bastards from China cut our national anthem short during Phelps’ award ceremony, we still know the USA rules. Apparently, some of the people in China really do have small dicks, because according to a report from The Beijing Times, people watching the opening ceremony from home were treated to a 55-second CGI graphics sequence. Thought those fireworks were real? Not even close.

Speaking to The Beijing Times, an advisor to the Beijing Olympic Committee (BOCOG) defended the decision: “It would have been prohibitive to have tried to film it live,” he said.
“We could not put the helicopter pilot at risk by making him try to follow the firework route.”

So when you see Michael Phelps being eaten by a mutant dinosaur and Chinese gymnasts flying 100-feet above the stadium, remember to keep the computer trickery in mind.
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If you’re a real American, you buy American. Nothing beats a true Harley Davidson for touring the country, getting laid and fucking people up in bar fights. The new 2009 V-Rod Muscle motorcycle continues that tradition while also raising the bar for badass bikes everywhere.

You’ll find a liquid-cooled 1250cc Revolution V-Twin engine that outputs ~122 HP and 86 ft lbs of torque at 6500 RPMs. Check out the styling though. Specifically, the Brembo brakes, 240mm rear tire, dual straight shot side pipe exhausts and a generally clean look overall. At $18,000 it’s one of the most expensive motorcycles on the consumer market.

…but you know it’s so worth it.
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One thing most of us can agree on is that our troops overseas deserve only the finest body armor available. Their lives are at jeopardy in order to protect our freedoms, so we’d like to see everyone return home safe and sound. Soldiers could really use some of this Dragon Kin body armor from Pinnacle Armor. You can detonate an M67 grenade in point blank range and it won’t penetrate through the materials. It’s flexible so you can easily move around, which is essential during a fire fight. AK-47, M4 and MP5 rifles have also been tested on it with fantastic results. Hopefully, we’ll soon see US troops wearing the Dragon Skin standard. In the meantime, looks like they’ll have to order some BUILT backpacks and double up on those.

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Let me tell you something, you silly goose. Grilling isn’t a way of cooking, it’s a way of survival. As in, if I don’t eat a fucking burger in the next 45 minutes, I’m going to die of starvation. At least I think so. Either way, you need the Longhorn Steer Grill. It’s not just a grill, it’s a grill shaped like a steer/bull. Think of the possibilities: parties, bar mitzvahs and so much more. You can even put a cowboy hat on the cow and everyone will laugh at your carefully crafted joke. Yeah, you’re that good.

Made by Traeger Grills, the Longhorn Steer Grill isn’t for the grilling novice who can’t appreciate the taste of Lea & Perrins. A grill that goes for $1700 demands the utmost respect and patience. In time, you’ll find that with the right amount of beef and concentration, your stomach can swell to over six hundred times its regular size. At least that’s what my uncle told me.

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If you want to do your part and help out some of the troops fighting overseas like a true patriot, we suggest sending them some video games. Not only are they a great outlet for stress, we hear they’re also fun to play.

CheapAssGamer is continuing an existing drive to collect video games for US troops, so if you have some extra titles that you’ve beaten or don’t want to play, send them to some people who could really use them. After all, they’re protecting your right to play video games, no matter what the political agenda. Hit the link to get more information.

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