On some days, it rains and rains until a flood surrounds us and nothing is left but water. We walk through crowds of people to our jobs, staying inside a cubicle for hours until leaving to return home. The next day, the process is repeated and it continues to rain. Nothing new can come with the rain. Nothing dry. It is, in essence, the ending of all mankind.

Except you’re on the Moon! Schweet! There isn’t any rain on the Moon but should it happen, you’ll be one prepared motherfucker with this non-Bluetooth umbrella.

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Found at Yanko Design, this Bluetooth Umbrella from Mikhail Stawsky is about as ridiculous as it gets. While you’re using your umbrella in a downpour, you can take a call with the built-in Bluetooth headset. This way you can talk into your umbrella handle during a downpour with wind blowing all around you. Makes a ton of sense.

Tell you what. Since Mikhail’s design isn’t even real, here’s how you can make a Bluetooth Umbrella:

-Procure umbrella and Bluetooth headset
-Procure 3M water-resistant tape of some sort
-Tape headset to umbrella
-Enjoy

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For a smoker, catching a cig before work is a must whether the weather be rain or shine. Some of us can’t find a dry area half the time and if you’re in Seattle, forget it. In comes the Smoker’s Umbrella to save the day. Equipped with a clip-on ashtray, you’ll be able to keep dry and puff down without the rain invading your personal space.

About $20, the umbrella even comes in a cigarette-shaped tin to get the message across. It’s a nearly perfect umbrella. The only thing missing is a built-in lighter.

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You might look like a pussy carrying this umbrella around if it weren’t for the fact that it’s unbreakable. Yes, that’s right. Just like the M. Night Shyamalan movie Unbreakable but without the fear of water.

The umbrella is fully functional like any normal umbrella except for the fact that you could kill a man with it. Bludgeoning someone with this umbrella is easy considering it has the same traumatic effect as a lead pipe. Even after you’re done beating someone into coma (in self-defense, of course), it is guaranteed to still function as a working umbrella.
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Parasolar, a solar parasol, is the beach umbrella of the future. What with all this “global warming” stuff going on, mankind is pretty much screwed. You’ll have to do your part, like harnessing solar power into umbrellas. Use the Parasolar during sunny days and it will capture solar energy to recharge your gadgets and gear.

Equipped with 12-volt output and two USB ports, the Parasolar can absorb enough energy to power a slew of human needs and it comes in a sleek case that just screams, “I’m thinking about the environment.”  This is exactly the kind of concept we need an abundance of to keep Al Gore happy.

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I don’t know why we’re so obsessed with umbrellas but I’m Gene Kelly would be proud. Take this Umbrella Stool. Going to an outdoor concert and skies are overcast? Check SimpleWeather (oh shit! a plug!) and grab your Umbrella stool. Not only will it keep your ass comfortable, it’ll also keep you dry in the event there’s a sudden downpour.

The bright red coloring might not fit everyone’s taste in style, so make sure you’re OK with that before plunking down your hard-earned $50.

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How many times have you walked out of your house in the morning without checking the weather, only to be stuck in the rain later that day, sans an umbrella? You really suck at life sometimes. Hell, we all do. But our hands are full. Smelling like wet dog is so unappealing, and you can only wish you look as cute as a wet canine. The Rain Forecasting Umbrella from Materious uses a lit handle to notify you that there is rain scheduled in Mother Nature’s agenda planner.

Utilizing any nearby WiFi connection, the umbrella gathers data on the chance of precipitation in your area, glowing brighter as the chance increases. Maybe next time you’ll be prepared and not have to use that extra pair of clothes your keep in your car for those “you know, just in case” situations. Why didn’t they go ahead and add some Flickr functionality too? (more…)

If you have an extra hand free to hold up an umbrella (and if not, there is always Nubrella), you might as well make it the coolest damn umbrella possible. The Wi-Fi Umbrella has a built-in camera which snaps shots of you as you stroll around town on a rainy day. The umbrella even allows you to upload the photos to Flickr using Wi-Fi support.

And possibly the coolest feature of all, with a snap of your wrist you can view the stored content of the umbrella, projected on the device itself. While there is no price yet listed, the umbrella should be available to UK rain dancers pretty soon. — Andrew Dobrow

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On rainy days, having to carry around an umbrella can be a huge drag. We have more important things to do with our hands than lug around an umbrella, such as playing with our phones and readjusting our testicles when the humidity makes them stick to our thigh. The Nubrella is a hands-free umbrella which allows your hands free access to any other object you desire. (more…)

How cool would it be to walk through a rainy day wielding an umbrella that resembles a weapon fit for a Jedi? The LED Umbrella looks like a modified lightsaber with a cool rain protection feature. Eat that, Darth!

The umbrella has a special illuminated shaft with LED as the source behind the light, hence the lightsaber glow. With the press of a button, harness the power of the Jedi, or at least look like you are. Available for $25. — Andrew Dobrow

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