Gearfuse

Plush toys have never really gotten any more elaborate than any other stuffed animal. Sure, you could get a plush re-creation of your favorite Pokemon or go with the creative Food Chain Friends, but a plush toy is a plush toy. Nothing more, nothing less.

Now, if you coupled your average plush toy with a home planetarium, that would make things more interesting. The Twilight Turtle is just that, a plush toy with a light projector that projects twinkling stars on your ceiling. There are eight different constellations to choose from and three different color options: blue, green or amber, which will help add some variety to your bedtime. Even better, it comes with a built-in 45 minute sleep timer, so you’re less likely to drain the three AAA batteries powering it. $44 is a small price to pay for comfort and security.

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Not every kid can swim like Michael Phelps, though every kid ought to. Parents, we understand. Sometimes you just don’t feel like sitting around watching the kids splash the water from the safety of dry land. After all, if they aren’t winning Olympic gold, what’s the point? That’s exactly why you bought the Safety Turtle Wireless Pool Security System for $167, effectively putting a price tag on your child’s life. Now you don’t have to worry about your kids drowning in a pool just because you were too busy doing the latest New York Times crossword puzzle.

It’s easy to use, too. Just plug the base station in and it will work in all directions up to 200 feet away. If the turtle sensor is submerged, the base station let’s out a wail that painfully reminds you of what a negligent parent you are. The creators of the Safety Turtle are not liable for any loss of life due to your lack of practice with CPR.

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Growing marijuana is a crime and that’s a damned shame. It’s no mystery that it’s a great pain reliever and can turn any award winning drama into a laugh-out-loud comedy. The war on drugs has always been a controversial topic in the realm of political agenda and the media. It’s only getting more controversial now that they’re busting growers with GPS turtles. Yes, GPS turtles.

After reports of several marijuana fields throughout Rock Creek Park south of the DC/Maryland line, the U.S. Park Police set up surveillance. Ordinarily that would mean they equipped the area with strategically placed cameras, but instead they exposed this grower with help from a box turtle fashioned with a GPS device. They eventually found the little guy crawling through a big pot field. What a terrible way to go down…busted by a turtle.

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Crabfu’s latest creation, the R/C tortoise, offers a uniquely humorous way of control that makes for an enjoyable show of stumbling limbs. Using a four channel radio system, the user is able to control each limb with each axis of the transmitter stick.

Basically, you can make this thing dance better than Patrick Swayze ever did. On top of that, you can scare the shit out of your pets. Unfortunately, this tortoise hates water. No practical use, just pure unadulterated fun.

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