If you’re reading this site, chances are you can’t afford a Lamborghini. Then again, who can? With gas prices at all time highs and the auto industry crashing, now is the worst time to buy a gas-guzzling Murcielago. That’s why you need to take the low road like a true tool and buy a fancy, schmancy lighter from Tonino. With a bunch of official logos and bullshit features filled with buzzwords, you’ll rest easy knowing it’ll still light your cigar. There’s even a cigar cutter you can use on your cheating, no-good husband.

Like I said, this is a tool for a tool. If you’re going to pay $150-$175 for a lighter and can’t afford the car to match, don’t even bother. Lamborghini lighters don’t get you laid.

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Web searches on your PSP just got a whole lot easier with the upcoming v4.00 firmware update. Now the Google Toolbar is available for any Wi-Fi connected PSP, bringing you loads of internet meme fun. Another feature coming to the PSP via v4.00 is the ability to change viewing speed during playback of videos stored on your memory.

While the PSP could already do practically anything, it was lacking the Google Toolbar it needed to make Googling anything on the go an ease. Vince is hoping they include the “I’m Feeling Lucky” feature; his personal favorite.
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Jim Beam me up, Scotty! Please excuse the horrible pun, but how many chances might I have to say that?  If you like mixing your Star Trek watching with a touch of the old nightcap, the Star Trek Enterprise Bottle Opener is the only proper way for a trekkie to pop open a brew.

This silvery doodad is a great way to show off your knowledge of sci-fi trivia, even when you have a blood alcohol level that’s legally deemed as lethal. You can have your very own Enterprise Bottle Opener for around $24. (more…)

A standard tool of the trade for all responsible Boy Scout’s is a Swiss Army Knife. There is no tool more well-suited for a future man, since guns are a little too harsh for 9 year olds. Now we know girl’s are mostly more delicate than the rough-and-tumble nature or boys. That’s why Boy Scout’s don’t sell cookies. It would be a besmearing to their future raging testicles.

So what tool does a Girl Scout use to replace the hell-raising army knife? The Swiss Peace Knife is a great tool for the Girl Scout and the peacenik alike. Featuring a pill box, bandages, disinfectant spray and a whistle instead of assorted knives, shovels, beer bottle openers, and other goodies. On second thought, with the amount of sexual abuse in the Boy Scout’s these days, a rape whistle might not be a bad idea. — Andrew Dobrow

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