Ford has done it again. Just when we thought they were all out of surprises. Finally a car I can afford without having to go through those damn greedy banks. I can’t wait to cruise around picking up chicks in my new ride.
Ford VP made a startling announcement today, unveiling their new $650 vehicle of the future. Without further adieu, Ford unveils the ‘93 Ford Taurus.
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Amazing. The Onion is reporting that Twitter creator Jack Dorsey had “never intended for it to be useful.” The report claims that Dorsey created the service for attention-starved idiots who have nothing else better to do. Without a doubt, it is the greatest description of Twitter.
Says Dorsey:
“Twitter was intended to be a way for vacant, self-absorbed egotists to share their most banal and idiotic thoughts with anyone pathetic enough to read them.”
He goes on to state that his latest project will be so useless, the Iranian people won’t even be able to use it. Additionally, Dorsey’s nose ring will hold a separate press conference next week.
Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn’t Fucking Work
The Onion, America’s finest news source, has some video of Sony’s latest device, some stupid piece of shit that doesn’t fucking work. The device features lights and a display showing you why the fucking thing won’t do what you fucking asked it to. Jeff Tate, tech trends reporter says that the piece of shit “offers a wide variety of annoying features.”
Says Sony: “We want people to be screaming in unison from houses across the country, ‘Work! Work you cocksucking piece of shit! Why can’t you work like a normal machine?’”
Just watch and laugh. Language is obviously NSFW.
‘Warcraft’ Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing ‘Warcraft’
The Onion covers the latest Blizzard game, World of World of Warcraft. In this exciting new sequel, you’ll be able to play as an avatar playing World of Warcraft. You can get on the phone with your ISP when your ‘net connection goes down, microwave Hot Pockets and help your character level his rogue.
The sad part is that if it were really released, people would buy it.
