Gearfuse

Being super doesn’t make you immortal. The superheroes from our childhood are starting to look a little older than we’d like to admit.

Poor Superman has lowered himself into using a walker (hopefully not made of Kryptonite). Catwoman is fast asleep in her rocking recliner. The Hulk has withered into a hulking couch potato. Times they are a-changing. The elderly superhero exhibit is the work of La Maison Rouge.

Sorry Superman. If Kryptonite doesn’t do the tric, then time sure will.

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Check out this gimmicky Hulk-themed USB device offered by Marvel. It hooks up to your PC and allows you to activate screen effects by smashing the button with your fist. Sure, it’s all fun and games, until your boss comes by to see porn on your screen. That’s where this bad boy really comes in handy. It’ll lock your desktop and obstruct the screen’s view so no one can see your “data.”

I think it’d be fun to just smash your fists on your desk all day, screaming “HULK SMASH!” as you did it. The price of this thing is unknown but if you pay any more than $25, you got ripped off more than the time Wolverine bought replacement blades from Ron Popeil’s RonCo.

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As disturbing as the image of Iron Man and The Hulk fornicating might be, I want you to think really hard. What would their love child look like if the two superheroes were to mate? Does it look like the pictured figure, or perhaps more green? Iron Man fan Jin-Saotome created this action figure, which he calls the Hulkbuster Iron Man.

In other words, it’s an educated guess on what the offspring would look like if Iron Man and The Hulk made whoopee. OK, not really, the Hulkblaster is just an awesome feature of the Iron Man’s canon weapon armor. Though if that ever were to happen, we would be better apt fearing for our life when the break-up argument ensued. — Andrew Dobrow

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