Gearfuse

Summer might be at its tail end, but it’s never too early to prepare for the first heat wave of 2010. For those of us who prefer an element of extreme sports, such as the amazingly artistic Parkour, which we happen to be a leading authority on, in everything that we do, this AquaClimb rock climbing wall adds mountain climbing to your pool festivities.

The great news is that if you fall, a bloody death doesn’t await you, unless of course you ate less than twenty minutes ago. Always let your food settle or you’ll drown! I’ll never forget, Mommy! Drowning isn’t good enough for us. We want to fall from a fricken mountain BEFORE we drown.

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I’m not much of a flip-flop or sandal guy, but my fiancee really digs them. When she’s not working, flip-flops are usually her shoe of choice, so needless to say, on trips to the beach, she’s flip-flop obsessed.

These Aperitivo Flip Flops designed by Tommaso Colia feature a circular cup holder built right into the shoes design. When your chilling out on the beach, sipping on your favorite summery beverage, these flip-flops would serve as a great way to hold your drink upright. No gurantee that the big hole in the heel is the most comfortable modification ever.

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In the spirit of really large and cool shit for the summer, check out this Gigantic Water Play Slide from “ridiculously expensive stuff” extraordinaire Hammacher Schlemmer.

Part 16-foot water slide, part water fort, the Gigantic Water Play Slide includes a bouncy center play gym and a mountain climbing-like stair experience. All for the (super-cheap, OMG) price of (only?!) $9,000. Chump change.

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There’s not many ways to be perversely snarky on a nude beach. With all of your naughty-bits hanging out, there’s not much you can tell someone that they’ll find risque. If you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin, these Anatomic Wetsuits, by Diddo Velema, allow you to appear not only comfortable with your anatomy, but brash enough to show more than what’s skin deep.

Watch as women blush and giggle over your unveiled gluteus maximus muscle (that’s your ass). Your bloodied biceps prove your certainly take care of your body. Oh, and ladies, instant bikini body!

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If you like your burgers “still mooing,” but hate having to hear the damn thing whining as you chew, just threaten the beef with this Condiment Gun. The burger will shut up eventually.

Would any slab of meat want to mess with a man on the edge, holding a gun filled with his favorite condiment? I think not. Fill it with Dijon mustard for extra brownie points (you damn elitist).

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If only it were this easy. If only cattle ranchers could wait until the meat was properly seared before branding their name or symbol onto the animal’s hide.

Luckily, as the resident BBQ chef of the house, there’s no need to hurt a weak and powerless animal. Just a dead and cooked one. The BBQ Branding Iron allows you to brand a message of choice in to your meat, before you beat it.

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No, not the nose candy, you deviant. Rather than seem like we’re incredibly biased when it comes to soda, check out these summer-inspired cans from Coca-Cola. Featuring summer activities like a BBQ, surfing and fireworks, you’ll be sure to stay cool with a can of Coke.

OK, now give us $5000 for saying that please or some free soda. C’mon, Coca-Cola!

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Warm temperatures, cool drinks and plenty of beach babes. Doesn’t matter. You’ll be that guy stuck in the beachhouse too busy to go outside ’cause he just got the new lime green Nintendo DS bundle and plopped down money for Chinatown Wars. Lucky.

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While the little things, such as ice cubes rubbing against my lips and under my nose, aren’t too much of an annoyance to me, there are times, on the hottest of days, when the sweat is just pouring from every pour in my body, those dog days of August, where everything is an earth shattering pain in the asshole. It’s the reason I occasionally opt-out of ice if the drink as been in the fridge for a bit. That, and that weird icy taste caused after the ice melts. IceBlok ends all of that jazz. The ice will stay exactly where it’s supposed to be.

No more chapped mustache for me.

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We’ve fooled around with a few alcoholic holsters in the past. Frankly, they all felt sort of empty. What’s a holster without a high-powered weapon? Sure, we still had multiple cans of beer to keep us busy, but we need to be shooting something WHILE we drink to really feel like real men.

The Beer Blaster allows you to literally shotgun a beer for a friend. Even if drinking beer from a plastic gun doesn’t sound like a good time (but really, how could that not be awesome?), you’re free to mingle through your party or barbecue, randomly shooting loved ones with booze when you feel like it. The Blaster itself will set you back $22. An accompanying holster costs $10 and the partnered belt costs $12. If you’re in the mood for something a little harder, give this a try. More pics and a promo video after the jump. (more…)