Gearfuse

Alright chief. We have five minutes and I mean exactly five minutes to get these six hard boiled eggs to Mayor Bloomberg. You can’t lose them and if they fall on the ground, we’re finished I tell ya. The man needs his breakfast. Here, use my special egg suitcase for the task. It’ll hold all six of Bloomy’s eggs in one basket so to speak. Great joke, right? Wrong! Now get going officer. The fate of New York City rests in your hands. But before you go, let me ask you something:

Which came first? The chicken or the egg suitcase?

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Nowadays, everything has got to be compact and portable. If it isn’t, you might as well throw it out with the rest of the unnecessarily obtuse crap. Here’s something everyone shouldn’t leave home without: a portable Intensive Care Unit. It’s got all you need jam packed in a suitcase-sized carrying case. An integrated ventilator with CO2 & O2 monitoring, ECG, invasive and non-invasive blood pressure monitoring, low and high rate infusion pumps with a fluid warmer, and that’s not even the half of it.

This thing can even be hooked up to a printer, just in case you need to print out an electrocardiogram. So, the next time you wake up in a bathtub full of ice with two scars over where your kidneys should be, you better hope you didn’t leave yours at home.

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What better way to “accidentally” burn down your home and all of your loved ones sleeping peacefully inside  than with this Travelmate portable fireplace by Conmoto. Oops! I didn’t mean to kick it over. Now all of my possessions are burning around me. The Mexico City fire fighting force does not approve. Good thing I have insurance. Alright, horrible thought, but what makes this portable fireplace noteworthy is it burns on bio-ethanol liquid fuel. It is a smokeless flame, preventing any chance of suffocation in the middle of the night while your hot boxing your room with one of these suitcase-looking fireplaces.

At $3,300, you better hope that insurance fraud bit you’re trying to pull will pay off. Otherwise, you’re down the three grand, all of your belongings, and are officially a single bachelor again. One who also happens to be homeless. If only that Porsche Cayenne fire truck got to your house faster.

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Back in the day when the only way musicians could make a name for themselves was packing a suitcase and hightailing it to California, many entertainers were forced to spending their days sitting on the curb of the streets of Hollywood. If something like the SitBag existed, perhaps it would have saved many sore ass cheeks.

Able to work as both a chair or an ottoman, the SitBag takes the show on the road, while providing a nice comfy place to set up shop when you reach your destination or are trying to hitch a ride. — Andrew Dobrow

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If you’re a college student or a raging alcoholic, the Portable Bar might be a cool item to check out. The Portable Bar allows for a quick bar setup anytime and anywhere your willing to wheel around a nondescript black case.

In a very compact space, this bar on wheels fits in an ice well, a full size bus bin with inserts for juice containers, bottles and other alcohol filled supplies. A strong an sturdy metal speed rail can hold up to eleven 750ml bottles or ten 1litre bottles without the risk of spillage or falls (not including falls from drunk humans).

The complete bar fits into an ugly rolling suitcase, which is actually quite compact from the look of its contents and is said to be able to be fully set-up in less than 5 minutes. The portable bar is a cool idea for party people on the go, tailgate parties, and maybe even for a makeshift midnight binge. — Andrew Dobrow

The Portable Bar [via Born Rich]