Growing up, Ryan and I attended a pretty decent upper-middle class high school in New Jersey. We got in plenty of trouble and did a lot of bad shit, but one thing that never happened on a full-scale operation was the food fight. If we had used Zing spoons instead of shitty plastic sporks and other utensils, we’d have probably been expelled.

At $9.95, it’s a bit of an expensive spoon depending on how you look at it. Sure, you can eat all the apple sauce in the world with a Zing, but did you know that the handle bends like a spring? Thus, it allows you to fling food all over the cafeteria at a rapid pace. Line your sixth period lunch table up against the wall and perform the ultimate tribute to the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.

I think every kid in elementary school should have one of these.

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It was a fine spring day and I remember it well. I saw the last spoonful of yogurt I would ever love, and I let it slip away. My spoon just couldn’t reach to the lower corner of the container! I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for letting it go. If only I had known about the New Yogurt Spoon, which is made for just these sort of situations.

Perfectly contoured to reach even the tightest of corners, you’ll hopefully never have to deal with the same hardships I’ve had to deal with is you can manage to get your hands on this spoon. Do yourself a favor, never mind the Apple-esque advertising scheme. Never let that last bit of yogurt get away. You might regret it for the rest of your life. (more…)

Those clumsy scales your drug dealer uses to measure out your share of the cocaine is not as easy to use as it appears. It’s years of drug dealing experience that have led to his expert use. If you feel the need to get your local drug dealer something they will actually use, and not snort away, but can’t afford a plush-covered Porsche this Spoon with a Built-In Scale is a little something sweet.

No guarantees on whether purchasing this item for them will spare you the trouble of having a few fingers cut off in return of your debt, but he might just let you keep your balls if the scale spoon, which measures accurately within 1?10 gram, happens to be on the back of his mind as he slices. — Andrew Dobrow

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