Gearfuse

I shattered a windshield with my bare hands once. True story. Of course by bare hands I mean my Fist Sledgehammer’s hands. But technically they are “my” hands. I mean, I do own them, amirite? Of course I am. Leave me alone.

Because double fisting your favorite brew can lead to double fisting the nearest face, know what I’m sayin’, G? Might as well cause some real damage while “reimagining” your friend’s facial structure. It’s only a matter of time before this thing finds its way into a porn movie.

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In other words, this is a rock made for the kitchen. Embrace your instinctive caveman nature and just bash and grind the living hell out of your food. It might not be as rugged as just grabbing a big rock from the wild, but it’s surely more manly than using a porcelain mortar and pestle.

For $43 you could do worse than buying a tool of our evolutionary past. No instruction manual is needed. Your animalistic instincts will put two and two together. Rock = smash.

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Check out this gimmicky Hulk-themed USB device offered by Marvel. It hooks up to your PC and allows you to activate screen effects by smashing the button with your fist. Sure, it’s all fun and games, until your boss comes by to see porn on your screen. That’s where this bad boy really comes in handy. It’ll lock your desktop and obstruct the screen’s view so no one can see your “data.”

I think it’d be fun to just smash your fists on your desk all day, screaming “HULK SMASH!” as you did it. The price of this thing is unknown but if you pay any more than $25, you got ripped off more than the time Wolverine bought replacement blades from Ron Popeil’s RonCo.

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