Gearfuse

Who hasn’t dreamed of one day being a superhero? It’s one of those ambitions that you never lose as you transition from child to adult. When you’re a kid, you wear pajamas featuring your favorite superhero’s emblem. Some PJs even featured a cape for ultra-realism. Now, as adults, we can get somewhat of the same effect in a slightly matured style.

The Superhero Robers are available in Batman and Superman flavors. Depending on your superhero of choice, you to can pretend that you are out saving the streets, rather than just laying in bed and fantasizing.

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If you’ve already been rocking some glowing furniture, your other rooms must be feeling pretty dark and drab. Sure, you might sort of like sleeping in the dark like a normal person, but the addition of a luminous Fiber Optic Pillow and Bed Cover seems like the sort of glow we could get used to.

I don’t understand the whole Halloween color scheme, I mean, honestly, they could have picked any other two colors, sans green and red. But hey, it’s shiny and it’s cuddly. Can’t get much better than that.

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Long day? Looking to chill out and ignore the bullshit of everyday life? We feel ya, brother. Pick up a set of these Ctrl+Alt+Delete pillows. They’re not only kitschy as hell, but they also are made from recycled plastic bottles. See? You can save the planet and take a nap at the same time. Etsy saves the day yet again!

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Have parents begging to relive the ’60s with a dash of 21st century technology? Then get them this funky pillow. It has a built-in MP3 player with speakers and comes in the shape of a boombox, cellphone or guitar. They come in tye dye coloring, so if you’re trying to keep it classy, don’t go looking here. It even has a built-in AM/FM radio so they can listen to NPR. For $25, you probably won’t find a better present for Mother’s and Father’s Day.

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We’re not, what you might call, “living large” here at Gearfuse (unless we’re talking about our scarily huge genitals. Really, we’re monsters.) We’re lucky if we can have more than two friends over at once without feeling cramped. But that’s not to say we’re complaining. We have a little nook to call our own for the time being, and that’s more than others can say. Though it’s always nice to save a little extra room. Even five square feet makes a huge difference in small quarters.

This folding bed design by Nicola From Bern is an awesome option for limited living space. An angled frame and fiberglass-reinforced plastic tubes create a bed frame that can be adapted to different mattress sizes. It’s probably not the most convenient method of saving extra space (you could always get some clunky futon,) but its minimalistic design fits right in with a minimalistic lifestyle.

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How often do you find yourself falling asleep at your computer as you surf the web into the early hours of the morning? Have you woken up with keyboard squares etched into your forehead? Maybe even stiff limbs? The “Pillows for Workaholics” suit will protect you from yourself and your stupid ass decisions.

Or maybe you could just stop the World of Warcraft marathons and masturbatory wank-fests, maybe go to sleep in a “bed” like a “normal” person who isn’t “addicted to transsexual porn.” That’s always an option. But why bother with tradition when you can just dress in the pillow suit? Narcoleptics could totally wear this suit around all the time for some extra protection, not to mention the entertainment value for onlookers. (more…)

Actually, Simon isn’t saying shit because his name is trademarked by some gaming company. This is officially known as the memory game alarm clock. It’s the same concept. You’re sound asleep. You here that stupid “boop” noise and open your eyes to see the red button going insane. You smack it a shot and turn back on your side, slowly brushing your dong against your wife’s back. “Boop!! Boop!” Here we ago again. You’ll need to get up and finish the game if you ever want some peace of mind. It is, without a doubt, one of the greatest ways to ensure you wake up each morning.

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I love sushi. Whether I’m eating it or sleeping on it, it’s all good. These ThinkGeek pillows modeled after popular Japanese cuisine run anywhere from $45 to $60 dollars and come in a variety of different styles/flavors. Tuna, salmon, shrimp, salmon roe and even edamame have all been turned into stylish plush pillows. I’ve gotten a hold of the salmon roll pillow because what kind of a Jew would I be on Hanukkah if I wasn’t sleeping on top of a large piece of salmon? Exactly.

Currently all models are out of stock, but if you’re interested in obtaining one keep checking back. They’re bound to get more in eventually. Until then, use your R2D2 soy sauce bottle on some real sushi to hold yourself over.

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In my younger and more vulnerable years, I owned many action figures from the hit TV show Transformers. Of course, in those years we didn’t have access to bitchin’ projector clocks with Optimus Prime’s head mounted for show such as this one.

This decapitated Optimus Prime voices your favorite phrases from the show, like “Autobots transform and roll out.” You’ll awake swearing that you, yourself are an Autobot. I’m here to assure you: you’re not. It’s $37 dollars, which isn’t bad at all considering that Marlboro Transformers are $8 bucks a pop in New York and only transform into lung cancer.

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This is exactly what I need: an alarm clock that throws a tantrum, immediately awakening me from any dream I’m having, no matter how provocative. It’s the kind of clock that’d give any elderly person sleeping beside it a heart attack. This isn’t that bullshit Da Vinci Alarm clock, either. It actually tells time.

Five minutes before the alarm goes off its feet and body will start glowing. That’s your first warning that the shit is about to hit the fan. If you haven’t awaken from natural intuition or were too slow to hit the snooze button by then, a minute after the alarm goes off the clock throws a tempter tantrum. It’s almost like waking up to the girlfriend you’ve never wanted and at a price of $49.95, it’s also cheaper than the girlfriend you’ve never wanted.

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