Gearfuse

Do you really need another reason for the ladies to be creeped-out by your house? Your weird collection of Kamasutra Robots and your robotic lovechild are enough to scare even the spiniest of family members away. The addition of a sexually-harassing inter-species flirting Talking Deer doesn’t sound like it’s going to be much help of a help to your social life.

Talking Buck sings “Sweet Home Alabama” to unsuspecting harassment victims, followed by the uncomfortable pick-up line of “You can touch the fur ladies, I’m so soft.” I kid you not. If your female friends haven’t started running by this point, just wait until they see your collection of human candles.

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First, it was digitally altering the fireworks. Now those commie bastards are at it again! According to The Telegraph, the little 9-year-old girl in the red dress than sung “Hymn to the Motherland” during the opening ceremony, Lin Miaoke, is nothing more than a puppet. Turns out a small girl with “buck teeth” called Yang Peiyi was hitting all the notes backstage while the bitch in the red dress danced around.

At the last moment a member of the Chinese politburo who was watching a rehearsal pronounced that the winner, a girl called Yang Peiyi, might have a perfect voice but was unsuited to the lead role because of her buck teeth.

So, on the night, while a pre-recording of Yang Peiyi singing was played, Lin Miaoke, who has already featured in television advertisements, was seen but not heard.

“This was a last-minute question, a choice we had to make,” the ceremony’s musical designer, Chen Qigang, said. “Our rehearsals had already been vetted several times – they were all very strict. When we had the dress rehearsals, there were spectators from various divisions, including above all a member of the politburo who gave us his verdict: we had to make the swap.”

Seriously. Way to go, China. Your reputation is getting more and more sour by the minute. I fear that by the end of the Olympics, you’ll have rendered gold medals for every Chinese athlete using computer graphics.

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