Gearfuse

The next time you’re shopping for jock straps at the mall, be on the lookout for guy or girl with the messed up face. I’m not talking about some huge tumor hanging off of a chin here, I’m talking about people who have the latest Japanese accessory for controlling their iPod. It’s called the Mimi Switch and it allows the users to use facial expressions as a form of digital control. Stick your tongue out, pause the music. Start crying uncontrollably and you’ll find yourself in Shuffle mode. The device works via a small microcontroller that analyzes the wearer’s facial expressions.

“You will be able to turn on room lights or swing your washing machine into action with a quick twitch of your mouth,” said its inventor, Kazuhiro Taniguchi of Osaka University.

There you have it. We’ve successfully reached a point in our lives where we can queue up a porno by making an “O” face. Give yourself a round of applause, people.

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Know what’s hilarious? A giraffe. Spots, silly animal, big tongue, long neck. Yeah, sounds like an awesome creature to me. Why not make a lamp that pokes fun at a giraffe all while paying equal tribute? Wait, where’d his head go? I don’t know but all of a sudden I can insert a fluorescent bulb into a socket. Let there be light, dear giraffe! How Kafka-esque.

$160. Trip to zoo not required but highly recommended.

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RECORD EXECUTIVE: Biz, we need a new hit. Any way you can integrate McDonald’s into it? We get a check every time you mention french fries.

BIZ MARKIE: OK OK, I GOT IT! How about we take some fries and merge it with a phone and shit, and then next thing ya know, you got the french fry phone!

REC: Hmm, but do you think it’ll play well into today’s urban youth?

BIZ: Fo’ sure, boyyyyyy!

REC: Alright. Let’s roll with this fucker. For a promotional item, we’ll come up with a phone that’s shaped like some french fries.

BIZ: Didn’t they do that shit in that flick Juno?

REC: No, no…that was a hamburger phone I believe.

BIZ: Off the chain!

REC: Right. Let’s get this to market. I’m thinking free or $18 for people who will actually pay for it. You’re a genius, Biz! Have any ketamine?

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