Gearfuse

I need some sort of carb with every meal, which probably explains why I’m overweight. If I’m eating meat, you best believe it’s going to be wrapped between two hunks of bread. But here’s my dilemma. Some people don’t understand my need for carb goodness. Some of my friends are so gung-ho about carbs that they don’t even own any bread products. That’s just not working for me.

That’s why whenever I go to my carb-hating friend’s place I know need to slip on my Bread Slippers. No offerings of sweet, beautiful carbs? Just rip a hunk off of your footwear. Mmm, mmm, filling.

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This is some extreme papercrafting. David Brownings created these pretty realistic-looking kicks using nothing but colored paper. I’d actually rock them if I knew they’d last longer than a few steps.

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When I was a kid, there was no such thing as bone or muscle. Everything inside the body was considered guts. When a head exploded, guts exploded out with it. Shot in the knee? Out come the guts.

These Shoe Guts were designed by Sara Antoinette Martin for the book “Custom Kicks.” See… I was right. Feet totally have guts.

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For the true foot fetishist, these freaky and kinky shoe masks let you live out your fantasy of being gagged with a heel. Not sure if the shoes were used or not first so don’t even bother asking pervs.

If you’ve ever said to yourself “For Halloween, I think I want to be a giant shoe monster,” you’re a freakin’ weirdo, because really, who the hell says that?

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I can’t be too sure whether these are women’s exclusive or if dudes can rock these bad boys as well. I don’t care how queer it might sound, I would totally rock a pair of these. I’d rock them like a hurricane. I’d rock them like a lobster. I’d rock them like Zeppelin. You get the point?

Even if they were only woman sizes, I’d get a size 15 pretend and I didn’t know. If rocking these Wonder Woman Reeboks is feminine, then I am woman, here me roar mothatrucka. If I ever get my hands on one of those exclusive pairs of Nike sneakers, these would fit right in.

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Some people get really overly excited about their shoes. I mean, yeah, we love our cool shoes over here at Gearfuse, but not quite this much. The Shine Rack allows shoe fans to show off their finest pairs of kicks right on their wall.

It’s sort of like a wine rack, but with less wine and more foot fungus. Each rack carries one pair of sneakers, so if you are a real sneaker freak, you might have to buy a crap load of these to show off as many pairs as you’d like.

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This Haute Charcuterie pair of Nike Air Force 1s puts the pedal to the metal and the metal to the muscle. Designer BlackYard created these anatomical pair of Nikes, which divides your foot into prime slices of meat.

I’m sure this has some sort of snazzy concept, like “Oh, Nike is just one of those corporations filled with porky pigs.” But honestly, this just makes me want to buy a new pair of shoes.

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These customized Nike Dunks by Daniel Reese are some of the coolest, geekiest shoe designs I’ve ever seen. Without exception, I would rock every single pair of these bad boys, including the pink and cutesy Princess Peach pair. They’d actually go great with my Bubblebum Pants.

I dare you to find a cooler Nike shoe design than these. Each pair will be about $220. Included in the designs are Twitter sneakers, Mario sneakers, Zelda sneakers and even Michael Jackson Thriller sneakers (my personal favorite). Check out tons more after the jump. Which is your fave?

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I’m not much of a flip-flop or sandal guy, but my fiancee really digs them. When she’s not working, flip-flops are usually her shoe of choice, so needless to say, on trips to the beach, she’s flip-flop obsessed.

These Aperitivo Flip Flops designed by Tommaso Colia feature a circular cup holder built right into the shoes design. When your chilling out on the beach, sipping on your favorite summery beverage, these flip-flops would serve as a great way to hold your drink upright. No gurantee that the big hole in the heel is the most comfortable modification ever.

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You might be hesitant to cover your car with witty bumper stickers. Whether you don’t want to ruin your car’s cosmetics or don’t want to wreck the warranty, you just haven’t gotten to the point where you’re comfortable applying stickers to your car’s body. That doesn’t mean you can’t have a witty retort when your on the move.

These awesome micro-bumper stickers fit right on the heel of your shoes, offering shoe-likened mottoes, similar to their automobile counterparts.

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