Have you wanted to become a whore all your life. Of course you have, sweetie. Come hang with Big Poppa Vinnie Mac and let me show you the way. We’ll need you to fit into this tiny purple skirt and I’ll give you a pair of these sweet shoes. They’re designed by Azzedine Alaia and boy does he love whore clothing. Put those shoes on babe, ’cause we need you on the corner of 128th and Broadway by 2:00 am. Ya dig?

Or, if you’re not a prostitute of some sort, you could modify these heels into some awesome steampunk kicks. I’d prefer if you acted like the whore you are, though. No need to placate me.

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Found on It’s Nice That, this shoe looks like boatloads of fun. Gives the classic slip-on Vans a new meaning, eh?

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We’ve seen vending machines which offer everything from iPod’s to human services, but what about something more attuned to our fashion sense. And by our, I mean you women (gotta watch my macho allure.)  To introduce their new sneaker, Japanese branded Onitsuka Tiger is offering their Trainer from vending machines around Japan.

This is a concept just dying to run rampant across the streets of NYC, where girl’s who emulate the characters from Sex And The City are known to flock. Dem bitches’ be shoe crazy, dawg! But no shoe technology will ever look as sexy, or as efficient as others. — Andrew Dobrow

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Not a lot of people use shoe horns nowadays, a lot of people don’t even know how to use one (they don’t have to). Supposedly they’re invented in the 15th century, it’s a tool (first class lever) that holds the end of the shoe open for your heel to slide in more easily and smoothly. The Japanese use shoe horns pretty stringently, as it’s common practice to take of their shoes whenever they’re in house (same for a lot of other Asian countries, but none of them use shoe horns as much). Anyway a Japanese company has started selling this super-pockectable shoe horn that can be slid into your wallet right next to your credit card, but we figure by the time you’ve dug the card out, your shoes are already on. It’s a nice touch none-the-less, 15USD for looking slightly more elegant. –Sam Chan

Card sized shoe-horn [Touch of Ginger]

Unless you have a pre-teen daughter, this YOUniverse Funk Fone should never been seen in your posession. So what part is the “Fone”? The shoe. Just lift it off of the massive platform base, and you have a fully functioning phone that belongs more in a “gentlemen’s club” than your daughters bedroom. So apart from the major problem of a company called YOUniverse (can we get more self-centered?), this Funk Fone only costs $20. Please don’t let this low cost peak your interest. It is not worth it. Oh yeah, it’s close to a foot tall! And about the title, please don’t take that seriously either. — Nik Gomez

YOUniverse Funk Fone [via UberGizmo]

You know how leather shoes cannot be dumped into washing machines together with your trainers (if you do), and when leather stink, they just have to stink forever. You might have tried spraying deodorant at your shoes and leaving them in the sun hoping to kill some germs. Well, a Japanese company Shimadzu Science might just have the answer for you. Now with this fairly compact (331×320x435mm 4kg) and fairly affordable ($187) “shine and clean” (Hikari de Kirei) machine you can do all the above tasks in one go, and each cycle only takes 15 minutes. The company claimed that the ultra-violet light in there can kill up to 99% of Staphylococcus Aureus in your shoes. They even have a different (larger) model that can fit your boots in. — Sam Chan

Hikari de Kirei SSS-100N [Shimadzu Science]