The weirdest high five ever might also be the coolest. AND… it’s available on a hoodie, of course, for $38.
The high five is so weird and so rare that explosions randomly occur in the background when it happens. Hyperbole is the best thing ever.
The Coppertone girl would have been in some serious trouble if instead of a cute little black doggy, there was a very hungry shark targeting his teeth for her buttocks.
The Shark! Bean Bag Chair illustrates what it might have looked like had the Coppertone girl been in the ocean, rather than on the beach. There’s nothing more comfortable than two rows of razor sharp teeth digging into your body. Take a seat and relax, please. Good thing sharks are just mythological creatures like mermaids, unicorns and Jesus.
Vaginas aren’t the only genitals that can grow teeth. Watch out ladies, my penis is very hungry. Hope you’re not bleeding! Sharks can sense that you know.
The Man Shark is basically a cock-ring with jagged (albeit, gentle) teeth, creating the illusion of the dreaded cockious sharkus. If you want to scare off almost any girl, this is a perfect way of doing it.
Have $26? Want to get your kid a present that’s both educational and incredibly badass? Pick up this anatomically correct model of a shark. I believe it’s a Great White. It has 20 removable body parts that you can remove and put back similar to a puzzle. Cheesy violin sounds not included.
I gotta tell ya. I keep getting more and more convinced that I should take up knitting or sewing, or maybe both. But then I remember that I don’t wear my hair in a bun and my bowel movements are still consistently solid. Sorry, grandma.
This awesome Shark Attack Hat makes reality look like a scene out of a low budget sequel to Jaws (and there has been some doosies.) Yay for carnage and terror!
If you’re in NYC or another major metropolitan area, visit your local Speedo store and check out the packaging for the Fast Skin wetsuit. Inspired by shark skin, each suit comes shoved inside a clear, translucent package that resembles a baby shark egg. Tres chic! I wonder if Michael Phelps uses one…
