Gearfuse

So, apparently, there is a scientific way to measure the deathly odor of you gas. I always sort of wondered how my farts compared to everyone elses. I mean, I know everyone freaks out when I fart in a car, threatening to jump out onto the pavement passing at a considerable rate below, and then there was the one guy that actually did jump. I mean, yeah, it’s raunchy, but worth death, really? Come oooonnn.

Anyway, two Cornell students took it upon themselves to great their very own fart-o-meter, measuring and comparing the stankity stank of your fartsy wartsies. A “slight perturbance” in the air sets the fart machine to work, measuring the three pillars of fartdom ranking: stench, temperature and sound. Can you say “best senior project ever?”

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The very Pacman-esque O! Cap is a eco-friendly bulb cap which provides a calming color and fragrance. The scented silicon O! Cap comes in an assortment of colors and fragrances including: orange with mandarin aroma, green with lemongrass aroma or purple with cherry blossom aroma. The scent is emitted after fake Packy is placed over an eco-friendly bulb.

Screw the scent and the bulb. I just really dig the Pacman resemblance. Wakka wakka.

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I’m sort of worried that if I invest so much money in a Kindle, I’m going to have some serious tactile and olfactory withdrawal. And I don’t think I’m along. We need to feel the book in our hands and smell the scent that only a newly cracked-open book can emit.

“Smell of Books” aerosol spray allows you to simulate the scent of a real physical book, even if you’re reading an e-book. “Smell of Books” would be available in an assortment of scent variations, including Classic Musty Smell, Crunchy Bacon Scent, Eau You Have Cats, New Book Smell and Scent of Sensibility. Suggested retail price? Varies between $4.99 and $28.99 depending on the scent. (We’re almost positive this is a joke. But hell, people would buy it!)

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Your scent is about to go where no man’s scent has gone before. How did Captain Kirk manage to scrounge up all of that hot galactic poonani? Other than the fact that he was a fucking space captain (I mean, come on, hello? Chick magnet city!), the Shat-man had a little secret up his sleeve. A trio of fragrances were recently unveiled, part of a Star Trek Spring Collection by Genki Wear, aptly titled Tiberius, Red Shirt and Pon Farr (for the female captains among us).

Hey, here’s a fun fact. Did you know Pon Farr is Star Trek-ese for hot Vulcan sex? Yeah, of course you knew that already. But let’s drop the trivia game for just a second to rejoice in the fact that, if we so desire, we could literally bathe in the SCENT of our favorite sci-fi universe. At least, until the release of Dalek for Men.

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