Gearfuse

I shattered a windshield with my bare hands once. True story. Of course by bare hands I mean my Fist Sledgehammer’s hands. But technically they are “my” hands. I mean, I do own them, amirite? Of course I am. Leave me alone.

Because double fisting your favorite brew can lead to double fisting the nearest face, know what I’m sayin’, G? Might as well cause some real damage while “reimagining” your friend’s facial structure. It’s only a matter of time before this thing finds its way into a porn movie.

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What if I told you ladies that for less than $30 you could return to the days of virginity. I know, I know, you haven’t had our hymen since that vag-to-bike-seat incident on your 11th birthday, so it all seems very new, but never fear, it apparently only takes 20 minutes to reinstall your virginity.

A few politicians in Egypt even want the artificial hymen banned to ward off any hooker sluts from faking their virginity on their wedding day. Just let it be known, if you’ve already popped out a few kids and expect to be transformed into the tight minx you were in your youth, that’s not happening. This thing is going to be AMAZING for the porn industry.

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Voila.

By a show of hands, who loves porn? Don’t be ashamed! I don’t blame you if you’ve felt a little guilt over the past few weeks with the way Apple shuns the nude female form. But in this second case of porn removal (so far), we can at least see the legal sense.

Free iPhone app “BeautyMeter,” which was sort of like a modern version of “Hot or Not,” was pulled from the iTunes App Store shelves after teenage girls began bearing it all to bump up their ratings. Even if whoever posted these images wasn’t the actual nude girls in question and even if they happened to be 17 rather than 15, the law is the law. And jailbait is jailbait, no matter how sexy.

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::fap:: ::fap:: ::fap:: ::fap:: ::fap:: ::fap:: OH, SORRY! Didn’t see you there!

There’s a brand new app out for your freshly hacked iPhone today. For $2, you can be the proud owner of “Hottest Girls.” As the name implies, it’s an app full of pictures of hot women. The developer notes that he added nude, topless pictures today, so if you’re retarded and can’t work Mobile Safari, it might be worth your time.

UPDATE: The app was mysteriously pulled. TechCrunch explains why.

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Alright, alright. Look, I’d love to bash Microsoft’s latest attempt at search but the truth of the matter is that I can’t. Bing is wonderful. Know why? Live video preview. If you move your mouse over a video, it automatically starts playing so you can check out clips before you click them. Get what I’m saying? So all you have to do to get your daily fill of pornography is type in the word “tits” and click Search. Your day will be infinitely better. Give it a run. I think you’ll find that while Bing is no Google-killer just yet, it packs features that will keep you fapping for hours to come.

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Finally, Mozilla is coming in to its own with a browser feature that is perfect for porn. For Firefox 3.1, the team at Mozilla have included a feature called “private browsing.” Upon exiting the browser, any trace of past sites you visited located in the browser’s history, cookies or temporary files are erased.

That means: no dirty clues as to where you’ve been digging around the Internet late at night. After all, you wouldn’t want your friends knowing you put Gearfuse in your nightly spank bank.

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It’s a rainy, shitty Friday morning. This will make you laugh no matter how miserable you are right now. SFW.

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Looking at pictures of hot naked women is one of my favorite things to do with the internet. That’s why I’m so excited to finally see the technology for online porn evolving to include 3D pictures.

Nude3D is a site I stumbled across (while doing important serious research of course) that has three-dimensional pictures of sexy nude models. It’s totally free and they also give you directions for uploading your own homemade 3D porn pics.

According to Nudes3D’s guide, three-dimensional internet porn can be made using two digital cameras and StereoPhoto Maker. Apparently, other sites also host 3D internet porn. I can’t believe I didn’t find out about this amazing innovation sooner. To think of all the time I could have been spending staring at 3D hotties instead of doing other stuff. It’s a shame.

After the jump, check out some choice samples from the Nudes3D porno library. Obviously, these pictures are extremely NSFW, so continue reading at your own risk.

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For the past few years, I’ve run out of storage space on my PC for all my pornography media files.  It’s a total bummer, considering the rest of my processes have to suffer due to a lack of porn-holding storage space.  The good news is that Data Robotics has launched the second-generation model of its award-winning Drobo enclosure. FireWire 800 alongside improved USB 2.0 performance and an upgraded core processor make the next-generation Drobo more efficient at managing and storing digital information than a 150GB hard drive chock full of porn.

Regular hard drives just don’t cut it anymore. They aren’t expandable and most don’t have anywhere near 16 TB of data storage. For those who find themselves managing vast amounts of porn data and can’t afford to sacrifice performance, the Drobo is an ideal way to solve your masturbation data problem.

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