Huge news today. John McCain, the Republican nominee eying the White House in November, just announced that his vice presidential candidate will be Sarah Palin (on the right, obviously), a real hot piece of ass from Alaska. This 44-year-old soccer mom most likely did a ton of coke back in the ’80s when she was a star basketball player and is now married and the Governor of Alaska. She’s young, full of sass and most importantly, a hottie.

Did I mention she eats Moose Burger? Interpret that however you please.

Surely some of you are concerned about her political record. Allow me to reassure you that Palin has the experience we need to lead this country:

In 1984, after winning the Miss Wasilla contest earlier that year, Palin finished second in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant which won her a scholarship to help pay her way through college.[4] In the Wasilla pageant, she played the flute and also won Miss Congeniality.

She gets high, too! Wikipedia says that Palin “…admits that she used marijuana when it was legal in Alaska, but says that she did not like it.”

Gentlemen, Ladies. I think we have a careful decision to make come November: left-hand or right-hand?

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If you’re flying high on shrooms, these Santa Cruz Light Wells guitar picks would either cause one really cool trip, or one really terrifying one. Actually, if you’re riding on the power of hallucinations, you might not even need lit guitar picks to see trails.

The light of the guitar picks blink to the beat of an internal metronome, which might make usage difficult for jam bands who change timing on the drop of a hat. The picks themselves range from only $4.95 to $24.95. Expensive as far as pieces of plastic go, but not too shabby for a cool light show. For an extra custom show, customize your own sound cells with the Zoran guitar. — Andrew Dobrow

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