Do you have a small penis? Have you tried every pill known to man that claims to increase male enhancement? Do penis enlargement pumps hurt your manhood? Then you desperately need the PEP (Penis Enlargement Pants). OK, so it’s more like underwear.

No matter, because it still claims to increase the size of your genitalia by stretching your wang while you work, play or just lounge around the house. For $110 well spent on underwear that’ll have the ladies gasping at your overly-stretched and deformed schlong, how could you afford not to buy it?

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Perhaps the greatest use of a remote controlled device in history: a flying penis flew into the middle of a speech from former chess master and Russian political activist, Garry Kasparov. It seems someone took the time to turn an RC helicopter into a flying cock.

After the security guard swatted it to the ground, Kasparov says, “I think we have to be thankful for the opposition’s demonstration of the level of discourse we need to anticipate. Also, apparently most of their arguments are located beneath the belt.” Someone in the audience shouts, “Finally the political power shows its face!” Kasparov quickly replies, “Well, if that’s its face…” to laughter from the audience.

A large flying penis that took nearly 20 seconds before someone decided to swat it out of the air. I’m pretty sure the last thing you’re going to want to do after seeing a flying penis is touch it. Hit the jump for video of the junk in action.

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Apparently, the iPhone is still fodder for shitty jokes and tasteless products.

Case in point: the iCondom. With a box strikingly similar to Apple’s flagship telecommunications device, it’s no humongous 3G iPhone but it’s packed with goodies that are meant to be touched. iMemory, iLight, iTree and iFood are all part of the iCondom package. Allow me to inform you a bit about the iMemory:

This condom is made of latex of the special formula which possesses effect of memory. It is enough to you to put on a condom right at the beginning of the coitus on standing penis and after that you can forget about possible weakening of erection during the coitus.

Do you hear that? That’s right, it’s awkward silence. Awkward silence because the iTree helps your girlfriend take it up the butt. Luckily iCondom is pre-order only for now. God knows what would happen if these showed up in Apple stores across the country.

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Normally, when new USB drive hits the market, it’s not cause for concern in the slightest. But I have a feeling that this particular one-gigabyte drive will not only turn heads like that $300,000 watch you wish you owned, but will also encourage females to hop on your genitalia and ride you like a ferris wheel.

Now look at that box. What would you guess is inside? Take a guess.

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The One Man series of gadgets is a favorite of ours, but wow, the things time can change. Not so long ago we talked about One Man Stuck, which featured One Man (also known as Mr. P) with a penis large enough to act as a wine cork (pretty huge for his size in relation), yet One Mac Shy has to cover his head in shame because of his dinky winky.

His small (ahem) lamp switch most have either of had a catastrophic accident, or wine bottles make him extremely aroused. Get your own One Man Shy for $99. — Andrew Dobrow

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Uhh, it’s soap, made for the penis. One size fits most men. This of course includes most of Africa, and some of Asia. Stereotypes are funny. I’m gonna go ahead and file this under Home Entertainment.
Check out the warning on the bottom of the packaging. CAUTION: If Weener Kleener ever becomes stuck, soak area with COLD water. I don’t think I’ll ever have that problem :-(. Available now for the price of $7.49 and the death of many spermatozoa. — Andrew Dobrow

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We’d have to do some research, but we’re pretty confident that middle-aged virgins are among the highest niche demographic of viewers we receive from our daily traffic. We’re not positive, just a hunch. Most action heroes have nothing, but braun and super powerful chop motion. Andy from The 40-Year-Old Virgin just has his never before used penis.

The release of this talking Andy doll, themed from the movie of the same name, is another addition to the recently released action figurines of people who really have no significant powers. Other than the power of laughter maybe. Yet, we laugh at them, not with with them. Check it out for $16.99. Vid after the jump. (more…)