Because I sure as hell would. Women’s only or not. I’d be all up in them. The perfect outfit for riding along in my super manly, and not homosexual at all bubblegum Hummer.
Call me effeminate, I don’t care. At least I’ll look sexy in my Gumball Pants.
The gang over at Cartoon Network’s Williams Street team has branched out from animation with a new clothing line called Finer Things. Right now, there’s only three Adult Swim-related garments up for grabs but they’re pretty cool. For $75, you can get a pair of preppy golf pants with the Mooninites all over ‘em. There’s also a Robot Chicken hoodie for $50 and $15 ATHF socks. I dig the pants. I might have to throw down the cash for ‘em.
Do you have a small penis? Have you tried every pill known to man that claims to increase male enhancement? Do penis enlargement pumps hurt your manhood? Then you desperately need the PEP (Penis Enlargement Pants). OK, so it’s more like underwear.
No matter, because it still claims to increase the size of your genitalia by stretching your wang while you work, play or just lounge around the house. For $110 well spent on underwear that’ll have the ladies gasping at your overly-stretched and deformed schlong, how could you afford not to buy it?
When your sitting situation calls for you to adjust your body in an awkward position, typing on a laptop becomes next to impossible to do with any sort of practicality. “So what, Andrew? Couldn’t I just move?” But why move when we live in a time where moving isn’t needed! The Keyboard Pants are a testament to the inherent laziness of the geek in us all.
Using Bluetooth technology, the pants provide a keyboard right on your crotch region, giving you an excuse to “adjust” yourself whenever you feel the need. The pants even include speakers on the knees. Oh, what was I doing just then? Well, ahem, I was just rearranging my keyboard. (more…)
After a long day’s work (or a Hard’s Day Night), don’t you wish you could come home to a loving massage? Except when you do arrive home, all that awaits you is silence. Sure, it’s morbid, but probably close to reality. These Japanese made Massage pants offer just what you need to work out your tender genital tissue.
With multiple massage modes, automatic temperature control with “infrared heaters” and an automatic setting that will run for 20 minutes, these Massager’s might just start a party in your pants. The weird thing is, you can only buy them in bulk orders of 500 or more. We hope you have a lot of stiff friends, or need something to fill a goody bag at a sausage fest. — Andrew Dobrow
