Gearfuse

If you’ve been meaning to take that one-man jug band experiment from your dreams into fruition, but just haven’t been able to find a way to fit in all the instruments you’d need to put on a satisfactory show, look no further. We’ve found your new ridiculous tool of the trade.

The Washboard Tie is played with a pair of thimbles, which just screams “I’m a sex god.” Ultra-compact and, let’s not forget, ultra-trendy. Your one-man show is almost ready to hit the road. With this tie, you’re destined for the big time.

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The next time your child complains about taking a bath, shove some candy and Water Flutes in their face and they’ll love you forever. For real this time.

Water Flutes are just what they sound like. You fill the plastic tubes up with water whilst in the bathtub. Then, you read the included sheet music and learn how to play “Hot Cross Buns” while cleaning your ass crack. They may be designed with children in mind, but there’s no rule against getting high and wailing out naked with some flutes in the shower. C’mon now! Unleash your inner-Palin! After all, that’s how Louis Armstrong got so good.

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