When $300 million dollars is spent on advertisements involving Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates shopping for shoes, it makes me think, “What’s this got to do with Microsoft?” Well, Microsoft wants you to know that it’s more hip than Apple.

The two things that make Jerry Seinfeld cool in this video:

1. He’s eating a churro.

2. He showers in his clothes in the morning, “You’re dressed, then you’re clean. Open the door, go about your business.”

The sad thing about the ad is it takes an entire minute before they even mention the word “Microsoft.” And when it is mentioned, it’s in the middle of a Jerry Seinfeld ramble that makes little sense.

“You know, I imagine over the years you’ve mind-melded your magnum Jupiter brain to those other Saturn ring brains of Microsoft.”

Then it goes on to joke about an edible computer.  Is it funny? When I’m stoned, sure. But it’s not funny in the way where I have the sudden desire to go out and purchase Microsoft merchandise.  I am not sold.

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Here’s something out of left-field that I don’t think anyone except the geniuses at Microsoft expected. In recent tests, it’s been revealed that Internet Explorer 8 uses twice the memory of Firefox. As if that wasn’t enough to blow your mind, get this shit:

In a test involving IE8 Beta 2, IE7 and Firefox 3.0.1 10 rich media sites were opened in each on a machine running Vista with 2 GB RAM. In the end IE8 sucked up 380MB of memory, IE7 260MB and Firefox accounted for 159MB. You would be surprised to know that when Windows XP starts it takes 130 - 150MB, then start IE8 and suddenly you would be looking at a larger memory print than Windows XP

Yes. Microsoft has managed to make IE8 such a RAM hog, that it takes a significantly more amount of memory to start it than it does to start Windows XP. Is this the nail in the coffin for Internet Explorer? Surely Microsoft will force everyone to upgrade to IE8 and those with older computers will be caught in the dust. Think, Microsoft! Think!

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Microsoft claims that come September 9th, you can kiss laser goodbye. Everyone was quite confused as to what Microsoft meant, that is until this picture of the mystery product that would put laser in its place showed up on Amazon’s Germany site.

It’s called the Blue Track and it allegedly uses a blue LED teamed up with a wide-angle lens for better tracking on more surfaces than laser and optical are capable of. Hey, I’m all for improved tracking and getting rid of mouse pads, but why blue?. With the wireless adapter and small size, could this be a more ideal mouse for the traveling laptop user than Microsoft’s Arc? With better tracking, definitely, but the price has yet to come into play.

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Microsoft no longer wants to sit idly by as Apple’s advertising campaign bashes it, making it look like an old geezer in front of all those hipsters who watch TV. Everything about Microsoft’s $300 million advertising campaign has been quite ‘hush hush’, that is until now.

“They are not seen as cool,” says Robert Passikoff, president of Brand Keys, a New York branding firm. “Apple is cool. Can anyone even recall a Microsoft ad? No.”

So, Microsoft recruited Jerry Seinfeld as their key celebrity pitchmen to tell you that he thinks Apple’s products just plain stink. Jerry Seinfeld is cool. Therefore, whatever he says or believes, I’ll follow blindly. He’ll appear in several ads with the big man himself, Bill Gates and will receive about $10 million for the work. The ads will debut September 4th and marks it as one of the largest ad campaigns in the company’s history.

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Microsoft might make shitty operating systems but the company continues to innovate in other areas of the technology world. I haven’t heard of any Photosynth news for probably a year and now I wake up and Microsoft has pushed it out to the entire world. Photosynth works by taking batches of photographs and stitching them into a 3-D environment. You can then get a virtual tour of an area using photos. To be fair, you really have to watch the above video to get a feel for it.

Currently, Microsoft is offering a 20GB of storage for people to upload their photos and synths. The ability to add mobile phone photos has also been added as a new feature. Why are you still reading this? Give it a go!

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Are you into so-called “alternative lifestyles”? Do you game but feel your Xbox 360 isn’t satisfying you? You might need Lian-Li’s communist XB01 Xbox 360 case. It’s a modified ATX-style computer case for your Xbox 360. Made out of brushed aluminum, the case greatly resembles that of a Mac Pro. The XB01 should solve the cooling issues that plague the 360 thanks to the metal case and a large 120mm rear fan. Anyone looking to mod the 360 will surely find tinkering much easier with their console in a conventional PC case.

At $149, it’s not the cheapest case but remember: it’s already molded for your Xbox. Just pop it in and pray that you don’t get the RROD.

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Yup. You read correctly. You, sirs, are staring at a brand-spankin’ new Xbox 360 from Taiwan. The catch? It’s an extremely limited edition The Dark Knight Xbox 360. Kind of like getting a BJ from Megan Fox while Michael Jordan high fives you. Good luck getting your own. You may very well end up making your own.

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I can’t imagine a world without Windows. It seems like only yesterday I was spending hours trying to figure how to change my desktop wallpaper on Windows 3.1. Word is that Microsoft is getting a head start on their next operating system that’ll replace Windows entirely. Their new project, Midori, centers around the Internet, casting out the dependency your operating system has on a single PC. XP might have been dead, but now Windows altogether is officially dead.

Windows is unlikely to be able to cope with the pace of change in future technology and the way we use it, so Microsoft is forced to ditch the blue screen of death inducing OS in favor of something that isn’t tied tightly to a single computer’s hardware. Who cares if Vista was incomplete? It’s getting ditched regardless. Midori is their new incomplete “work in progess”.

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You’ve gotta be one fat fucking loser to want to tattoo “Wel-come to the social” on your shoulder. It looks like some five-year old tattoo artist did it, or at least thought up the idea. It’s bad enough it’s the Zune slogan, but even worse: it’s a terrible slogan. Considering no one bought the Zune except this guy and four other people leaves little to be desired in regards to being welcomed to the social. Thanks for welcoming me, now where’s the exit?

Long time Zune fanatic Mszunefan is not the only one looking for the exit. He posted on Zunescene:

“I am done. I have had the Zune since day 1 and have noticed little improvement. I have tried my best to support them every step of the way but the recent Xbox Live announcement at E3 made me lose it. To not include Zune Marketplace or the ability to load videos from Xbox Live to your Zune made me finally give up. I am in the works of figuring the best way to get a new tattoo to cover the logo on my arm. Thanks for all the harsh comments and you will see very little of me anymore.”

Note to self: never tattoo a lousy corporate logo and a terrible slogan to match, onto my skin. I’ll only cover them up later with the latest Microsoft OS logo.

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Later this year, Microsoft will be retailing its new wireless mouse specifically designed for easy transit. Gone are the days of the tiny transportable mouse for your laptop that makes your hand look like an amputated limb from Andre The Giants body.

It’s a full-sized mouse that folds into a space-saving form that’ll fit anywhere from your laptop case to your underpants. Unfolding the Microsoft Arc mouse in front of everyone on the train will make them wish they had a mouse as big as yours!

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