So, say your in a situation where you have no choice but to spend a few days near a recent nuclear waste spill. Never mind the third leg and second head you’re sprouting, what about your precious sperm count? These Disposable (I would hope so) Microscope Cards allow you to view your sperm as much as 500 to 1000 times enlarged depending on the lighting conditions.

It’s always about the lighting conditions. At least that’s what I tell my 13 year old Vietnamese boy slave girlfriend. Well as long as it can make sure my super sperm is intact, I guess it’s a good thing. A pack of five will cost you $89. — Andrew Dobrow

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What could possibly be a better gift for your family science nerd? This USB Microscope, Webcam, Hub combo gadget is nerdy to the tenth power (rather than nerdy to the V8 power). Want to take a closer look at the soda cap that has been sitting under your desk for the last three years? Here’s a way to do so.

The Microscope part of this gadget actually works without the USB, though when plugged into the USB port, you can view the specimen on your computer screen, and even add text and special effects to whatever scientific monstrosity you can view with this device. You’ll need Windows XP and 2 AA batteries to operate this toy. Just don’t go feeding it to your dog. It’s not a USB Dog Toy. And we doubt your dog is interested anyway. Get your own for $70. — Andrew Dobrow

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