Melting plastic army men is loads of fun. Real army men, however - well, that’s an entirely different story. Dominic Wilcox either had a troubled childhood, or he was just as normal as the rest of us. After all, melting army men with a magnifying glass is every adolescent’s favorite pass time, right?

He’s taken this fun, yet childish activity and turned it into art by melting the army men together to form a bowl that he’s cleverly named War Bowl. The War Bowl comes in two versions: a blue Battle of Waterloo, Half British Artillery, half French Infantry and the white ‘English Civil War’ War Bowl. While you might not put anything in it, that’s not preventing it from looking awesome.

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For a long time, scientists have suspected that humans have an ancient history of drug use. Without any proof, such speculations become nothing more than the rantings of a scientist doped out on hallucinogens. Now, valid proof that humans from the Stone Age dabbled in the arts of “getting fucked up” have appeared on the Caribbean island of Carriacou.

Quetta Kaye of UCL and Scott Fitzpatrick, an archeologist from North Carolina State University, have discovered equipment used to prepare hallucinogenic drugs for sniffing. Additionally, the ceramic bowls they found date back to prehistoric South American tribes, which proves that humans have been taking drugs for longer than one might believe. Listen, just because one wipes their ass with a leaf doesn’t mean they’re less likely to do drugs. Who said druggies have to be civilized?

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If there’s one thing that’ll interest you about Sony’s third generation internal Blu-ray optical drive, the BWU-300S, it’s not the specs. So, what if it can write single and dual layer BD-R discs at up to 8X speed, or if it writes DVDs at up to 16X, CDs up to 48X and supports DVD-RAM recording.

No, we don’t care about all of that. We care that this drive comes with a free movie, not the news about no DH DVD playback. So long as it comes with Men In Black on Blu-ray, we’ll buy it. That’s like - a fifteen dollar value. Unbelievable.

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Men can’t have a purse. It’s a set-in-stone rule that has been passed down to us for many generations. But with today’s technology and the demand for our iPhones, digital cameras and Blackberries has reached an all-time high. We simply can’t leave the house with keys and a wallet anymore and our pockets can’t hold everything. What’s a homeboy to do?

Easy. Grab a Koffski Set. It’s a wallet and bag that can connect to a shoulder strap that resembles an old-school shoulder holster that detectives wore throughout the 20th century. Pretend you’re Lieutenant Frank Bullitt with a vendetta and nothing left to lose…except your gadgets.

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When you’re drunk, you’re bound to make a fool out of yourself. You’re also probably bound to piss a lot that night so why not make the most of it? Slap one of these fire hose thongs on and let ‘er flow. Got a wife who’s into really freaky shit? Dress up like a fireman and then shower her with piss. What a fantastic idea.

At $8.99, you don’t have to be Alec Baldwin to afford a fire hose that resides on your cock. Plunk down the cash, invite George Michael over and piss up a storm, baby.

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“Don’t drop the soap.” is the first bit of advice given out to every new prison inmate. We really don’t want to explain why, but you probably get the hint. ANYWAY, maybe if jailbirds had a tad bit more “relief” in the shower, they wouldn’t be so eager to spot out any soap droppers.

The Stroke On A Rope is a hand shaped bar of soap, with the hand in a position that makes it perfect for scratching those… very hard to reach places (LOLZ, it’s a masturbation reference!) Sure, it goes without saying that the Stroke would serve as an awesome gag gift for only $9.99, but what about a beneficial use in prison?

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If male haircare had a placebo pill, the X5 Hairlaser would be it. While we don’t have any scientific proof to back up that the laser is just some gimmick, the X5’s descriptive method of  blasting, “15 distinct points of coherent laser light directly to your scalp at the optimum power and wavelength,” sounds like a quote straight from an Ed Wood film.

If you’ve tried other methods, and are still losing more and more hair, and really don’t want to wear a wig or look like Britney Spears, then we guess you’re desperate enough to try out anything, and the X5 Hairlaser could very unlikely be the one that works for you. Get yours for the price of $300. — Andrew Dobrow

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