In this cut-for-cut world, where every average gangster and granny is packing a blade, you’ve gotta defend your own. This Pocket Knife / Ruler combo gadget lets you not only do some serious stabbing, but lets you easily measure your stab wounds on the way to the hospital.
Doctors always love it when you come prepared.
People need to measure stuff. There’s no denying that. And to the best of my knowledge, doctors still aren’t removing splinters out of your schlonger for free. So it is with a great relief that the old school wooden ruler has finally wizened up and gotten itself a digital display.
Push down on the edge of the device to mark where you want to measure and the ruler’s circuitry does the rest.
I hear that rulers are also useful for purposes other than measuring your junk. I remain a skeptic.
Have $25 and drink a ton of beer at parties? Slap down a Lincoln and Jackson and pick up this Chug Meter glass. It measures how much you can chug in one shot, essentially showing the world that you’re either a beer drinking champion or a big pussy.
Those clumsy scales your drug dealer uses to measure out your share of the cocaine is not as easy to use as it appears. It’s years of drug dealing experience that have led to his expert use. If you feel the need to get your local drug dealer something they will actually use, and not snort away, but can’t afford a plush-covered Porsche this Spoon with a Built-In Scale is a little something sweet.
No guarantees on whether purchasing this item for them will spare you the trouble of having a few fingers cut off in return of your debt, but he might just let you keep your balls if the scale spoon, which measures accurately within 1?10 gram, happens to be on the back of his mind as he slices. — Andrew Dobrow
