Gearfuse

When you first receive your Wearable Hummingbird Feeder mask you’re encouraged to leave it out in the wild for awhile so that the birds can get accustomed to the mask before you wear the damn thing on your face. That way, by the time you wear this crazy thing, the birds will be comfortable enough to poke your eyes out or at least slice you with their insanely fast-moving wings.

The hummingbirds are encouraged to suck nectar from between your eyes, that way you get a perfect view for the two seconds before your eyes are pecked out of your skull.

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I wouldn’t have guessed it, but now that I’ve seen the real face of Mickey Mouse, I can’t help but think that he has less than good intentions.

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Say you happen to be taking a tour of your nearest Pantone color matching facility, or say you really want to spy on what other paint colors people are choosing for their walls. How could you ever camouflage yourself with such a colorful background to disappear into?

The Paper Mask Prototype features a colorful design, perfect for hiding in paint color sample books and other flamboyantly colored areas. Also great for people who have a hard-on for bar graphs.

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Stop making out with that pig for a second and thing about the risks of swine influenza. There are people dropping dead all around us (mostly Mexicans, thank god) and it seems like there is nothing we can do about it.

We here at Gearfuse like to mix a little humor in with our pandemics. That’s why we’ll be wearing these awesome Pig Snout Face Masks once the germ is airborne in our area. If we’re going to die, we’re going to die laughing. More snout lovin’ after the jump.

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If you haven’t seen Watchmen yet there are a few (but not too many) essential sights you have missed before you can say you’ve truly lived. For one, you’ve missed seeing a gigantic CGI-enhanced blue penis. You’ve also failed to witness the unmasking of the antihero Rorschach a.k.a. Walter Kovacs. Reading his blog would be a good start at getting to know this mysteriously masked man, but how well can you really understand a man without looking him in the eyes?

Luckily for all of you who haven’t dropped the $10 to see the movie, Play.com offers a 6″ Rorschach action figure in both the masked and unmasked varieties. For spoiler purposes the face has been blocked out. Don’t they realize that Rorschach can be found unmasked across the net? Hint: He’s a ginger!

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The word just came in over the wire. World War III has begun and it doesn’t involve Iran or Russia. This time, the war is being fought in our own backyards against allergies and smog, with especially hard times for those in Los Angeles. Luckily, our buddies in Korea was able to ship over some NOSK Transparent Nasal Filters for us to use. Rather than look like something out of Ghostbusters with a full-size face mask, we’ll now have the latest in nose-filtering technology at our disposal.

How does it work? Boy, am I glad you asked:

Sported by asthma sufferer Korean Olympian Park Tae?hwan , NOSK, a new 3-layer nasal filter created by Sam Joung International Co. reduces the inhalation of pollutants and allergens by over 80%. You can still talk and eat wearing NOSK, which means it can become a seamless addition to your routine, and unlike masks, your glasses won’t fog each time you breath. Each filter is usable for up to 24 hours so you can just put it on in the morning on the way to work, and toss it in the trash upon arrival home.

Essentially, we can all become supermutants through the power of NOSK. We’ll breathe easier and can even smoke cigarettes while using it. Now that’s what I call multitasking.

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Steampunk Gas Mask 9 is a new take on gimp suits everywhere. You wouldn’t wear this in public, so why not sport it during steamy sadomasochistic adventures with your significant other in the privacy of your bedroom? The designer Bob Basset is either into bondage masks or some other freaky shit we never knew existed.

A Soviet-era gas mask enhanced with refined leather and brass makes for either an excellent Halloween costume or some kinky experiences in the sack. Just make sure you don’t leave it out in the rain or get fluids on it, OK?

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Perhaps one day, our world will be ravaged by gigantic robots, nuclear war and stray cats. If this occured, would you really want to spend your days looking at dilapidated buildings and the sort? Of course not. Then, in comes the Augmented Reality Mask to save the day. Trust me when I say it’d go perfectly with the Urban Security Suit.

Supposedly, the mask is intended to provide a “jacked in” feel just like Neo experienced in the movie The Matrix. You’ll see an entirely new landscape, breathe in fresh air and will even be able to smell the virtual environment around you. The mask was designed by Frog Design and is only a prototype at the moment. Perhaps one day we’ll all be wearing these around a post-apocalyptic New York. Hit the jump to see what it looks like with the mask on.

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Resembling a hazmat mask made of bubble wrap, the Sippy Mask looks about as comfortable as a deep prostate exam and has a usage which is equally vague and nonexistent. But how can you go wrong with a face covering straw?

The Sippy Mask is also said to glow under a black light, which makes midnight sipping a glow-in-the-slightly-dark experience. If Muslim woman wore these instead of burka masks, drinking would no doubt be a hell of a lot easier. Oh, and you can buy the one in stock for $45. — Andrew Dobrow

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